I See Your Naked Body!

This (meaning the blog post title) is what Mateo yelled all around the mall today. Which is funny to a three year old. A three year old who is very curious about bodies, nakedness, and potty language. Three year olds are also known for NOT stopping when you tell them to. If fact, this particular three year old tends to say inappropriate things longer and louder when you tell him not to. So, in combination, this can be quite embarrassing. And now everyone in the mall thinks my son would like to see their naked bodies.

High Heels for Preschoolers: Yay or Nay?

This photo was recently published in some celebrity magazine. I am not one to read celebrity gossip but I do like looking at photos of their children because they're cute and I like watching them grow up. This photo specifically drew a lot of criticism. Suri Cruise is close to the same age as Mateo, three and a half. And here she is wearing high heeled shoes, and it's not been the only time. Katie Holmes defended herself by saying they are ballroom dancing shoes for kids and that Suri likes dressing up like her mom. Before the baby was born, we didn't have to think about this kind of thing. But now I find myself wondering....what would I do if Maya asked to wear high heels at three years old?

What do you think? Is this just innocent dress-up or perpetuating an unhealthy trend of kids growing up too quickly? Let me know how you feel about it and if you'd let your daughter wear high heels before age 10.

Beauty Pageant Take 2

sOkay, I don't want to obsess on the shameful exploiting of these little girls on national television, but I have to quote one more crazy pageant mom here, just because it really is THAT bad.

Said reeking with sarcasm and anger, "Great! She just lost cause she was having fun." Because her daughter did a fun dance move on stage when she wasn't supposed to.

This is the same mom who forced her daughter to go horse-back riding because she thought it would calm her nerves as the girl is screaming on the top of her lungs and can't control the horse. This is also the mom who made her eight year old go on an all fruit diet a week before the pageant.

Look, I wouldn't nominate myself for the ethical parent of the year award or anything. But, geez, even I think this is shameful. How much you wanna bet more than half of these girls will be pregnant by 15?

Dear Lord, Please Help My Daughter Take Home a Crown

Things heard on "Toddlers and Tiaras", a TLC show about child beauty pageants:


"Sierra is very shy. Pageants will help her get over her shyness." - as mom forces her crying daughter on to the stage.


"Both my twins do pageants but Maddy wins more. I don't have favorites but Riley's nose is a little crooked and she's not as outgoing. That's why she doesn't win."


"My daughter isn't spoiled. She just gets what she wants."


"We go to pageants to win the money. You can win up to $1000 at a pageant."

Later, when asked how much she spent on pageants, "about $10,000."


"If we saved the money we spent on pageants, I would have enough to send all three of my girls to college."


"I have three boys. They all do pageants because I wanted girls."


"Dear Lord, please help my girls take home a crown today."


"I take pageants seriously because Hailey takes pageants seriously." How old is Hailey? Four.


Pageant question: What do you want to be when you grow up. "I want to marry a rich man!"


"Pageants have given Isabella confidence. Now when someone pays her a compliment she says, 'I know!'"


"My daughter gets highlights because her hair color is very average." Mom of a 6 year old.


"Tanning is no big deal. I actually prefer my daughter tanned because her natural complexion is too fair." Mom of 7 year old.



Add on top of this the skimpy clothing, WAY too much makeup and hair pieces, and the dance routines that include shaking their hips and butts, and winking and blowing kisses to the judges. Is anyone else deeply disturbed by this?

What's Up With These Freakin Parenting Magazines???

Every once in a while I read a Parenting magazine. Usually when I'm bored, or when Maya is looking for information on the newest fashion trends. (Side note: What is with everyone stealing my name? I'm totally pissed cause I thought Maya was at least a little bit off the radar for baby names. I mean, it's not on the top 10 list or anything. But I swear, everyone and their mother is naming their babies Maya right now. I'm so pissed. I would change my mind, since nothing's official yet, but I do so love the name.) Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can move on.

Parenting magazines! I was browsing through one the other day, trying to make it look muy importante and dire so my husband would entertain the kids for a while, and I realized there is some pretty God-awful advice in there. For example....

In an article about how to get your picky eaters to eat healthy foods, they make some suggestions. Now we all either have had a picky eater, have a picky eater, or know a picky eater. Actually, let me rephrase that. Parents, you have a kid that eats right? Well, according to some Parents magazine editor, these are some solutions to your picky eater problem.

1. Cut up squash and zucchini with a basil pesto dip. Would your two year old say, "Oh yes, mother, could I get a carrot and flaxseed smoothie as well? I really need the antioxidants today."? Hell no! Cause they're normal. Well, I shouldn't assume anything of my readers. Some of you I know and I figure to be pretty normal. But in all seriousness, basil pesto dip? I don't even know what that is! I slather all Mateo's vegetables in butter and salt and he still doesn't eat them. But, hey, maybe a basil pesto dip is just the zest he needs.

2. Rent Ratoiutiuilleee (that's how you spell it right?) and serve homemade ratuoiltooellieee with a side of breaded tofu triangles. Okay, if you've ever had ratouioooeey, you know that it has some pretty strong, sophisticated flavors. I don't know any kid that would eat it unless they've been force fed it since birth. Perhaps if I start the baby on it now, by the time she's in preschool she'll be begging for ratootuiollelleeey with her zucchini and pesto dip.

This editor obviously doesn't have children. Or maybe her nanny does all the cooking and she doesn't know that her kids are living off of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and drive-thru french fries just like every other red-blooded American child.

I Need Some Celebrity Friends`

So I was watching Extra or Access Hollywood or some show like that and they had a special segment about celebrity birthday parties. This was brought about because Suri Cruise's birthday is around this time and last year they spent a reported $100,000 on her party. Will they double it this year? Why not? It's not like they're running out of money.

Anyway, the guest on the show was a celebrity party planner who described how to throw a FAB-U-LOUS party for your tot, complete with over-the-top themes, giant cakes, and....gift bags! She said that a $300 gift bag (at a children's party, mind you) was skimpy. Seriously. I need some celebrity friends! So, with Mateo's birthday coming up, I thought I'd do a side-by-side comparison of birthday parties; celebrity style vs. non-celebrity cheapo mom style.

Celebrity Party: Exotic animals and petting zoo
My Party: Luca, our boston-beagle mix

Celebrity Party: $300 gift bag
My Party: $3 gift bag

Celebrity Party: full candy bar complete with real gumball machine
My party: $15 pinata

Celebrity Party: catered 5 course meal and open bar for adults
My party: juice boxes for kids and a couple 6 packs for adults

Celebrity Party: professional clown or magician
My party: drunk uncle?


So, whose party would you go to?

What is With People???

I took the baby to Walmart today to pick up a few things. She was great through most of the trip despite hating the car seat, especially when it's not in the car moving at at least 65 mph. But it all went down hill when we got to check-out. She might have been a bit hungry (although she shouldn't have been but babies rarely do what they should). She also realized she was in a car seat that wasn't in the car and started screaming her little pink head off. Seriously, the child has a good set of lungs and she knows how to use them. She's also a bit of a drama queen. So I finished up as quick as I could while swinging her car seat around trying to mimic the motion of a car on the freeway. There wasn't much I could do at that point but we were leaving soon and I knew she would fall asleep on the way home.

But everybody and their mother (especially old ladies) for some reason thought it was their business that my baby was crying. I have never seen such nasty looks in all my life. You would've thought I was abusing my kid the way these ladies were looking at me. One lady actually stood in front of me for, like, two minutes and stared back and forth from me to the baby with a look of disgust.

Have you never seen a baby cry? Last I checked babies don't die from crying so unless you want to whip out your nipple and feed her, move along please!

I was so shaken, pissed, and embarrassed by the experience that I am hesitant to ever take the baby out in public again. Oh, and I should mention, when I take Mateo out and he cries, everyone either tries to help or assumes he's tired and needs a nap. Why is this any different?

Has anyone else experienced this reaction?