Confessions of a Real Mom; the down and dirty

High Heels for Preschoolers: Yay or Nay?

2009-12-08T11:31:00.003-05:00

This photo was recently published in some celebrity magazine. I am not one to read celebrity gossip but I do like looking at photos of their children because they're cute and I like watching them grow up. This photo specifically drew a lot of criticism. Suri Cruise is close to the same age as Mateo, three and a half. And here she is wearing high heeled shoes, and it's not been the only time. Katie Holmes defended herself by saying they are ballroom dancing shoes for kids and that Suri likes dressing up like her mom. Before the baby was born, we didn't have to think about this kind of thing. But now I find myself wondering....what would I do if Maya asked to wear high heels at three years old?

What do you think? Is this just innocent dress-up or perpetuating an unhealthy trend of kids growing up too quickly? Let me know how you feel about it and if you'd let your daughter wear high heels before age 10.

Medication Update

2009-12-01T11:33:00.003-05:00

So, Mateo has been on meds for more than a week now. I wish I had really awesome news to report, but I don't. Not that the medication isn't working, it's just not working consistently. And I think it's because we haven't reached the right dose and timing yet. Apparently, this isn't a quick fix. I know, sucks, doesn't it?

The first few days Mateo started the Risperdal, it was amazing. Still Mateo, just a happier calmer Mateo. It was awesome. Dave and I were constantly teary-eyed that we had our little boy that we knew was in that shell of anger and confusion. I don't know how many times Mateo spontaneously hugged us and said "love you" but it was probably more in that few days than in the last two years. It was wonderful. And I was full of hope.

But it wore off. Which happens frequently in these circumstances. You start with a low dose, you see improvement, then the body adjusts. So you have to raise the dose again, and keep going until you get to the right dose for your child's body. It takes time. But I'm impatient! Especially after seeing Mateo do so well last week, it's killing me that it didn't continue. I really thought that would be it. We'd have our boy back. At least for a few months.

Anyway, his sleeping schedule is still messed up. This is typical for kids with bipolar disorder. He is wide awake half the night, then sleepy and dragging during the day. We started medication for that too but it's not working. So, more adjustments are needed. We go back to the psychiatrist in two weeks.

I guess I'm disappointed this wouldn't be as easy as I thought. I mean, nothing has been easy thus far so I don't know why I'm surprised. I just know I've been advocating for medication for so long, and now that we have it, I thought I was over the hurdle. Turns out, we've barely even started. It's so sad, really. And I can't help but feel, even though I know better, that we are messing him up even more with these med trials. I know it's necessary. And when we find the right kind, dose, and timing, it will all be worth it. I hope so. This is the hardest thing I've ever done.

Poor Maya; Left in the Dust

2009-11-29T07:41:00.006-05:00

I realized I NEVER talk about the baby on this blog. It's always about Mateo and then I put monthly updates on our private blog about Maya. Well, today is a public update about the littlest munchkin.

She is crawling! For one. And she looks so cute doing it. Because she's so tiny for her age, she looks like she shouldn't be able to crawl. She just started crawling this past week, so she's still pretty new at it. She looks just like one of those electronic robot puppies that walks, barks, then does a flip (except without the barking and flipping part, although I've been trying to teach her). It's the funniest thing. She also gets very excited when she's crawling cause, you know, she just thinks it's the coolest thing in the world. So she pants and laughs while she's jetting across the floor.

But with crawling comes lots of limits. Usually she makes a beeline right for the dog's food and water bowls. She also likes to find the smallest most miniscule little things on the floor and examine them (and then usually taste them). She's such a happy girl, most of the time. She is friendly and has a great personality. Some of my favorite "Maya things" include:

- the way she holds her mouth in a wide open grin almost all the time.

- when she gets excited sitting on the floor and rocks back and forth like she's propelling herself somewhere.

- her dolphin squeals.

- the way she talks to herself in the crib or car.

- that she loves food as much as I do, maybe even a little more.

Hopefully we'll be able to post pictures soon because she'll be adopted! It's taking a long time but I'm really hoping she's adopted by her first birthday in 3 months.

Here's a picture from Thanksgiving that doesn't show her face so I can post it.

Thankful

2009-11-26T19:23:00.004-05:00

What I'm thankful for, 2009:

* A husband who makes sacrifices every day for his family

* A family that supports most of what I do, and if they don't, they tell me so, loudly and passionately.

* A kid that challenges me to be a better person.

* Two kids that show me they love me every day.

* The Twilight Series (are you with me here ladies?)

* Chocolate

What are you thankful for?

BINGO!

2009-11-23T11:46:00.002-05:00

I realize not everyone will be up to speed since I just posted my last post this morning. That's two posts in one day, but I'm too happy not to share. We found a psychiatrist that can and will help us! This guy was compassionate, he listened to me, and he understood what we're going through. The first thing he said was that we needed to take lots of breaks. We need to gather family and friends around us who can commit to giving us regular date nights and respite because he knows this isn't going to be an easy journey. And the stress a child like Mateo brings is enormous. Yes, thank you!

He also said that the first behavior to target is the aggression. The longer he has this behavior the harder it is to break. That's what I've been saying all along, which other doctors didn't take seriously. Meanwhile, he's broken his bedroom door, throws toys at windows, he's drawn blood from all of us, and the dog is terrified of him. So, the psychiatrist wants us to be in therapy to keep working on this problem. By this time next year, his goal is that Mateo will no longer hit or bite people. But, the most important part is.....

We have a diagnosis and we're starting medication! I really shouldn't be so happy about this, but I've known what he has for a long time now. And it's finally been confirmed by a professional and we're started the medication journey to stability. Mateo has Mood Disorder-NOS (a general term for bipolar disorder, which will most likely be formerly diagnosed when he's a little older). And he's starting Risperdal tonight, which is an atypical anti-psychotic. It should help calm him down, tame the rages and aggression, and help him sleep better. I don't know if I've mentioned the extreme sleep problems Mateo has. He wakes up with terrible nightmares and night terrors. Without taking Melatonin (which is a natural sleep enhancer), he sometimes doesn't fall asleep until 11pm or later. In addition to Melatonin and Risperdal, we're giving him a daily multi-vitamin, Omega 3 Fish Oil, and cutting down on sugar, all in attempt to make life easier for him.

So, there you go. That's everything. Again, I don't want the focus of this blog to be about Mateo's psychological problems. But, I know there are several of my readers with difficult children, either adopted or not, or who work with special needs children, and they can relate to our struggles. I want to offer support to them the same way they've offered support to me. So, thank you for that. It's so comforting to read that people out there understand that we are just trying to do what's best for our kids. We want our son to succeed, and feel good about himself, and proud of himself for being a good kid. Right now, he can't even accept praise because he has such low self-esteem. Hopefully now we are one step closer to some stability and peace for our son.

To Answer Your Questions....

2009-11-23T07:25:00.001-05:00

Well, since I left some of you hanging, here's a little more information about why I'm frustrated and feel like people won't help us. A couple of you asked about psychiatrists and medication. They are too scared to give us medication because Mateo is so young. They have every right to be cautious about it. As are we. But we are the ones living with him day-to-day and seeing how miserable he is. I believe, in my heart, that the risks are worth the benefits of medication at this point. And we won't know unless we try. Sure, we could wait a few more years, but by then, how much more would he have escalated? Right now, he's little enough that when he does rage, or become aggressive, he's not doing a whole lot of damage. But what about when he's five? Or six? He could really hurt people, himself, and our things. I'm worried that by that point, lashing out at others will be such a habit, it will be hard to break even with medication. Not to mention the implications waiting has on the brain and his development.

Some doctors will medicate a child this young the right way because they are older, more experienced, and know that life isn't always "by the book". Unfortunately, these are the doctors that don't take insurance, especially not state insurance, which, I'm sure you've heard, pays crap. So finding a doctor that is willing to take risks and treat aggressively will cost a lot of money. And we're trying to buy a house! So we're trying to exhaust all our "free" options before going the pay-out-of-pocket route.

Today we are meeting with a new psychiatrist and what I consider to be our last hope. And I hope we can get across the severity of the situation. I will post an update as soon as I can. Thanks for all the encouragement.

I Feel Like Giving Up

2009-11-18T15:55:00.002-05:00

I am such a downer lately, and I'm so sorry. I promise my next post will be more....happy. But I'm frustrated and thinking about quitting. I would never give up on Mateo or my family. But I'm feeling very close to giving up on trying to get Mateo help. Why? Because I'm not finding it. I feel like I'm banging my head against a wall. I don't think people understand the amount of stress we are under living with a child with severe emotional and behavioral problems. Perhaps if they knew, if they lived it with us, we would get the help that we need. Maybe not. Maybe people will always think they can do it better. Or that they have the right answer. But somehow, I think, if they could see us on a daily basis, they would absolutely agree that we need help.

Well, it's not so much that we need help, it's the kind of help we need. I'm just not finding anyone who is willing to take the risk and state what Mateo really has. They want to tip toe around the hard truth that he has a psychiatric illness. But doing so is a great injustice to him. And it's sad. I'm the one watching my son suffer every day. And I'm so helpless.

I don't really know what else I want to say about this. Just that I'm frustrated. No one is taking us seriously. We're not getting help, not just from professionals but even from other people I've reached out to. The people that read my blog, most of who I've never met by the way, have been more supportive than my own friends and community. By the way, to my friends that DO read this, I'm not trying to insult you in any way. If you read my blog, you can assume that you've been nothing but helpful and supportive. But that's only, like, three people. But thank you....to the three. Everyone else...you suck!

Kidding. But all the psychiatrists out there that aren't taking us seriously.....you suck for real!

You Guys Are No Fun!

2009-11-05T08:01:00.005-05:00

Nobody had anything critical to say on my last blog post! What's up with that people? Is anyone even reading this or are you all too cool? Or maybe I'm just not as controversial as I think I am. But really, thanks for all the support. You really are too nice. Today I'm just sharing some fall and Halloween pics.

Oh, and I was on the radio yesterday morning talking about adoption for National Adoption Awareness Month, which if you didn't know, is November. So, if you want to check it out, here's the link. It won't connect directly to the interview but if you click "past guests" on the right, I should come up. But don't make fun of my dorkiness. It took me a little while to get into a flow. I was a bit stutter-y in the beginning. It's a bit long, just so you know if you are going to listen to it. Most of the interview is with a DCF representative and then I jump in here and there.

I just like this shirt

Pumpkin picking

Drinking our "swamp juice"

Mateo was a "bad guy" for Halloween. He's pretty obsessed with bad guys.
I wish he'd associate more with the good guys though.

This was at his preschool costume parade. I did end up sending him as a skeleton and was glad to see I wasn't the only one to use a Halloween costume. There were witches and dinosaurs and monsters and lots of costumes. So we fit right in.

I just love this picture. The look on Luca's face is priceless. And this is truly a picture of the relationship they have. Mateo loves her to death. And she tolerates him. Ha!

A Controversial Blog Post

2009-10-28T16:45:00.001-04:00

Update on progress: If you've read this and this (my last couple serious blog posts) about our struggles with diagnosing and treating the challenges our son has, then you'll know what I'm talking about here. We did start seeing a psychiatrist at Yale. He is starting a six week comprehensive developmental assessment. Yay (spoken in a very sarcastic tone). Testing is just what we need. (I'm going old school here) NOT! Can you imagine anyone testing Mateo? Okay, well, I guess not cause most of you haven't met him. But just trust me when I say, it ain't happening. I literally told the doctor "good luck with that!" I should probably be more optimistic and helpful, but I am finding it pretty pointless to go this route. But we're going to stick with it for now.

Here comes the controversial part. Sidenote: I have to be controversial once in a while because that's when I get all the comments :)

We really want to start Mateo on medication. Okay, well, maybe I said that wrong. We don't want to start Mateo on medication. We really feel like he needs to be on medication.

I am going to try to talk about Mateo's special needs without revealing too many specifics. Let's see if this works out. I know it can be quite shocking to even think about medicating a three year old for behavioral problems. But, believe me, this is not something any of us take lightly. Everyday I watch him struggle and lose functioning because his "problem" is eating away at his brain. It's not for my benefit that we would medicate our son, it truly is for Mateo. I want him to grow and develop and learn. But right now that is being hindered by his "problem". And it will get worse if we continue to ignore it.

The decision to medicate our son (for his benefit) is after exhausting many, many, many, many other options. We've tried counseling (for us as parents) and therapy for him. We've tried cutting out sugar completely from his diet. We've had lots of blood work done to test for other conditions that could be mimicking the "problem". We've gone to tons of parenting workshops, adoption counseling, attachment conferences, and talked to many professionals. We even had a 12 week in-home behavioral service come into our house to observe us and give us suggestions. We ended after 5 weeks because the worker, literally, had no advice for us. She had never met a kid like Mateo. Not many have.

It will be a long road finding what works and balancing benefits with risks and side effects. We will need lots of understanding and support. The psychiatrist we're working with is on board for medication, but waiting to confirm the symptoms he feels the need to treat. I don't really know how long this will take (I'm hoping not too much longer) or what he will want to "treat". I'm worried we will disagree with his opinion and have to start all over again somewhere else. But we'll take it one step at a time. I'm hoping in the next six weeks, Mateo will show this doctor what he is all about and give him lots to consider. He is a very complicated little guy with a lot going on. It is hard to get to know him, understand him, and separate what is what. That is the biggest challenge. But I'm hoping this doctor "gets it". There is a huge shortage in child psychiatry and even less of them take insurance. We don't have a lot of options, other than paying thousands of dollars out of pocket. If this psychiatrist doesn't work out, I might start soliciting for money. Be prepared! ;)

Most of my commentators are supportive and just generally awesome (thank you for that!). But I do welcome respectful feedback on this topic as I know it is controversial and there are many opinions about it. As long as it is respectful and not derogatory in any way, I will not delete the comments. I may have more on this topic, in which I'll post later, but for now, this is it. Let's see what you all think!

Blogging T-shirts!!!

2009-10-25T21:05:00.003-04:00

Hey, check out my blogging merchandise on cafepress.com. There are two sayings and for some reason you can't really connect from one to the other. So click on both if you want to see them both.

"My mom is blogging my life"
http://www.cafepress.com/Jmommas

"Blog this mom!"
http://www.cafepress.com/JLRs

I have a few more ideas for blogging shirts, so there will be more to come. I'm also going to add the above two for dads. If you have other funny ideas for T-shirts, let me know so I can profit from them. Hey, if you're not doing anything with the ideas, someone might as well make some money. Just consider it a donation to the "buy us a bigger house" fund since we're literally busting out of our 850 sq.ft. home. Thanks.

Beauty Pageant Take 2

2009-10-25T08:20:00.001-04:00

Okay, I don't want to obsess on the shameful exploiting of these little girls on national television, but I have to quote one more crazy pageant mom here, just because it really is THAT bad.

Said reeking with sarcasm and anger, "Great! She just lost cause she was having fun." Because her daughter did a fun dance move on stage when she wasn't supposed to.

This is the same mom who forced her daughter to go horse-back riding because she thought it would calm her nerves as the girl is screaming on the top of her lungs and can't control the horse. This is also the mom who made her eight year old go on an all fruit diet a week before the pageant.

Look, I wouldn't nominate myself for the ethical parent of the year award or anything. But, geez, even I think this is shameful. How much you wanna bet more than half of these girls will be pregnant by 15?

Why Does One Mom Always Have to Ruin it for the Rest of Us!

2009-10-19T18:52:00.005-04:00

Since one or two over-involved moms (or maybe dads) made a big deal about children celebrating Halloween in our public school system, it is banned. The kids can not dress up in costumes on (or this year, the day before) Halloween in any schools, including Mateo's preschool. So, the school tried to get around this by instead having a storybook character parade where the kids can dress up as their favorite storybook character and bring the book in to class. Well, to me, this means having to buy two costumes, since he already picked out a lovely over priced skeleton costume. So Dave and I naturally, being the slacker parents we are, tried to figure out a way around this.

First, I combed the book store for a book about skeletons. No luck. Dave wanted me to order one online just for the socio-political statement it makes but that's just as much work as buying or making a new one. So it cancels itself out. You're following my logic here, right?

So, we brainstormed at dinner tonight. Since Mateo doesn't really have a favorite book, we're a blank slate. Here were some of our best ideas. Okay, maybe "best" is the wrong word. Here are some of our...ideas.

* the Bible - Draw on a beard and dress him in robes and bare feet. (Jesus)

* "Hope" (the Obama book) - dress him in a blue suit with a red tie and a "change" pin. (Obama)

Those were the more expensive ones. Here are the free ones.

* "I'm a Big Brother" - self-explanatory.

* "Mr. Brown Can Moo Can You?" - dress him in all brown.

* Any of the millions of car books we have - use his costume from last year of a race car driver.

The only problem with all of these ideas is that there is very little chance that Mateo will actually wear any of these costumes. I don't even know if he'll wear the skeleton one on Halloween even for candy. I pretty much had to force his on him last year. If it feels like a costume and not regular clothes, he won't wear it. I want to at least attempt to send him dressed up because I don't want him to be the only one without a costume. I don't know if he would care or not, or if he would even notice. But in case he does notice, I don't want him to feel left out because of me. So....

What do you think? Any ideas for a costume that is cheap or free and doesn't feel like a costume but looks like one and that also goes along with a children's book?

Worms and Christmas Trees

2009-10-04T20:24:00.003-04:00

I know what you're thinking - how do worms and Christmas trees go together? Well, this is how.

Mateo is obsessed with worms. He can find one on a hot sunny day. I don't know how but he hunts them down and finds them. He'd make a good bird I guess. Anyway, he digs them up then tortures them for the whole time he's playing outside. He would bring them into bed with him at night if I'd let him. But the rule is that worms stay outside. So he carries them around, puts them in his cars, covers them with rocks, feeds them to the dog, gives them lobotomies, and so on. Well, he had about a hundred in a bucket one rainy day and it was time to come inside. We asked him where he would like to put his worms for the night. We have a small pine tree right next to our patio that's about the size of a Christmas tree. Mateo decided this would be a good home for the worms. So he throws them, one by one, onto the branches of the tree. Guess what the tree ended up looking like? A Christmas tree decorated with tinsel. Worm tinsel.

'Tis the season!

Mateo and his bucket of worms

Maybe you, too, have Christmas decorations in your own backyard!

Bonus photo cause it's so darn cute. And too bad I can't post pics of the baby yet cause I have one of her with these same sunglasses on! And yes, we wear our sunglasses at night.

Dave's Advice to New Fathers

2009-09-27T21:05:00.004-04:00

"Play your X-box/Playstation/Wii as much as possible until the baby is born. Then sell it and use the money to buy the best diaper contraption on the market, lots of air fresheners, and a big handful of those yellow gloves that go up to your elbows."

What's in a Label: Update.

2009-09-22T16:30:00.002-04:00

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post about our struggle to diagnose Mateo and find the right treatment for him to function better at home and school. Well, I wanted to post an update about our process. Although I don't want Mateo's problems to be the focus of this blog, I do want to be honest about parenting an adopted child with special needs. There should be more of us out there opening up about it. But I do want the majority of my blog to be uplifting, positive, and most of all, funny. Humor is my outlet for stress. So I need lots of laughs to get through this life.

That being said, we have registered Mateo into the Yale Young Child Study Center. This is the only service in the state (that I've found so far) that specializes in children under five. They will be using a team of professionals to evaluate possible diagnoses or disabilities and overseeing treatment (whatever that might be). I do have a strong suspicion about what I think is going on with Mateo, but I haven't decided whether I want to reveal that (should there be a diagnosis) on this blog or not. Regardless, the purpose of this blog is to advocate for adoption and make people laugh. And I hope I am succeeding. Thank you for all the kind words in regards to our struggles with Mateo.

All Husbands Should Go to Motivational Workshops

2009-09-18T20:20:00.000-04:00

Dave went to a Motivational Conference for work this week. That evening, this is what transpired.

Dave: Honey, I just want to say thank you for all you do for me and the kids. I appreciate it and I don't know what I'd do without you.

Me: Ooookaaaay....

Later...

Dave: You are so smart and beautiful.

Me: Do you want something? Or do you have some bad news to tell me?

Dave: No, I'm just recharging you.

Me: Oh. Do you need to be recharged?

Dave: No. Seeing Mateo run to me when I got home was recharging enough.

Me: You're freaking me out. What's going on? Did you get all this from your motivational conference?

Dave: Yeah, I guess I did.

Me: Well, if that's the case, I'm sending you to one every week.

Dear Lord, Please Help My Daughter Take Home a Crown

2009-09-10T16:00:00.001-04:00

Things heard on "Toddlers and Tiaras", a TLC show about child beauty pageants:

"Sierra is very shy. Pageants will help her get over her shyness." - as mom forces her crying daughter on to the stage.

"Both my twins do pageants but Maddy wins more. I don't have favorites but Riley's nose is a little crooked and she's not as outgoing. That's why she doesn't win."

"My daughter isn't spoiled. She just gets what she wants."

"We go to pageants to win the money. You can win up to $1000 at a pageant."

Later, when asked how much she spent on pageants, "about $10,000."

"If we saved the money we spent on pageants, I would have enough to send all three of my girls to college."

"I have three boys. They all do pageants because I wanted girls."

"Dear Lord, please help my girls take home a crown today."

"I take pageants seriously because Hailey takes pageants seriously." How old is Hailey? Four.

Pageant question: What do you want to be when you grow up. "I want to marry a rich man!"

"Pageants have given Isabella confidence. Now when someone pays her a compliment she says, 'I know!'"

"My daughter gets highlights because her hair color is very average." Mom of a 6 year old.

"Tanning is no big deal. I actually prefer my daughter tanned because her natural complexion is too fair." Mom of 7 year old.

Add on top of this the skimpy clothing, WAY too much makeup and hair pieces, and the dance routines that include shaking their hips and butts, and winking and blowing kisses to the judges. Is anyone else deeply disturbed by this?

Stealing? Already?!

2009-09-06T08:01:00.003-04:00

Mateo pulled an unfamiliar toy car out of his backpack yesterday. Neither Dave nor I could recognize where it came from. So we asked Mateo.

Me: Where did you get that car?

Mateo: Preschool.

Me: Preschool? Did you take it home from preschool in your backpack?

Mateo: Yes.

Me: Well you can't do that. That doesn't belong to you, it has to stay at school. We'll bring it back on Tuesday.

Mateo: Ha, ha, tricked you!

Me: You tricked me? You mean you didn't take it from preschool?

Mateo: Yeah, preschool.

Dave: You mean you tricked the teachers at preschool to take the car?

Mateo: Yeah.

So from what I can gather from the conversation is that Mateo tricked the teachers by hiding the toy car in his backpack so that he could take it home. Great. So we've got a klepto on our hands. Maybe they need to install metal detectors. Or search Mateo everyday before he leaves the building.

What's In a Label?

2009-09-03T13:50:00.002-04:00

Dave and I are in the process of seeing specialists regarding Mateo's development; socially, behaviorally, emotionally, and cognitively. While we're going through this journey of assessments, evaluations, and various tests, we've come across several labels. With a child as complex as Mateo, what usually happens is experts either can't agree or don't know exactly what is causing the deficits or behavior. So they take their best guess. That's how you end up with one child who has ADHD, ODD, GAD, OCD, BP, and PDD-NOS. Each label coming and going at different parts of their lives. It's insane! But also a bit understanding. Because children's brains are still so hard to study and they change all the time, there just isn't always one box they that fit perfectly into. And this will be the case with Mateo.

In our search to find the "label" that fits Mateo, people have asked me why it matters. Well, it does matter. And it doesn't matter. I'll tell you why. Take ADHD as an example. If a child walks into a brand new classroom, with a new teacher, and the teacher takes a look at the file and sees the child has this diagnosis. Maybe the teacher will think, "oh great, I have a trouble maker." But, the other side is, maybe that teacher looks at the diagnosis and says, "oh, that's why he's so wiggly and has trouble paying attention. He's not a bad kid but has a legitimate problem."

So it's not about sticking a label on a kid for the hell of it. It's about understanding him, and helping others understand him. It's about getting him the right kind of services. It's about learning how his brain works and the best way to parent him. It's about being at a family function when Mateo is acting up and being able to say, "Mateo has _____ and we're working on it." instead of hoping they don't think you're an unfit parent. Having a label can turn the most critical, meddling grandmother into a patient, supportive ally. And even if we never find a label, or series of labels, that fits him perfectly, at least we're guaranteed help and support by proving that he does, in fact, have something.

So, what do you think is better for a kid, the alphabet soup beside their name, or just the knowledge that Mateo is Mateo and there's no other way to explain it and screw the rest of the world who wants to name it?

What's Up With These Freakin Parenting Magazines???

2009-08-27T13:25:00.001-04:00

Every once in a while I read a Parenting magazine. Usually when I'm bored, or when Maya is looking for information on the newest fashion trends. (Side note: What is with everyone stealing my name? I'm totally pissed cause I thought Maya was at least a little bit off the radar for baby names. I mean, it's not on the top 10 list or anything. But I swear, everyone and their mother is naming their babies Maya right now. I'm so pissed. I would change my mind, since nothing's official yet, but I do so love the name.) Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can move on.

Parenting magazines! I was browsing through one the other day, trying to make it look muy importante and dire so my husband would entertain the kids for a while, and I realized there is some pretty God-awful advice in there. For example....

In an article about how to get your picky eaters to eat healthy foods, they make some suggestions. Now we all either have had a picky eater, have a picky eater, or know a picky eater. Actually, let me rephrase that. Parents, you have a kid that eats right? Well, according to some Parents magazine editor, these are some solutions to your picky eater problem.

1. Cut up squash and zucchini with a basil pesto dip. Would your two year old say, "Oh yes, mother, could I get a carrot and flaxseed smoothie as well? I really need the antioxidants today."? Hell no! Cause they're normal. Well, I shouldn't assume anything of my readers. Some of you I know and I figure to be pretty normal. But in all seriousness, basil pesto dip? I don't even know what that is! I slather all Mateo's vegetables in butter and salt and he still doesn't eat them. But, hey, maybe a basil pesto dip is just the zest he needs.

2. Rent Ratoiutiuilleee (that's how you spell it right?) and serve homemade ratuoiltooellieee with a side of breaded tofu triangles. Okay, if you've ever had ratouioooeey, you know that it has some pretty strong, sophisticated flavors. I don't know any kid that would eat it unless they've been force fed it since birth. Perhaps if I start the baby on it now, by the time she's in preschool she'll be begging for ratootuiollelleeey with her zucchini and pesto dip.

This editor obviously doesn't have children. Or maybe her nanny does all the cooking and she doesn't know that her kids are living off of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and drive-thru french fries just like every other red-blooded American child.

My Little Gymnast.....Or Not.

2009-08-18T12:41:00.003-04:00

So Mateo seems to have a natural ability towards gymnastic-type moves. He can do a cartwheel and a split, which he learned on his own. And of course, he is very energetic. So I thought signing him up for a little gymnastics class would be good for him as an outlet and to harness some of his energy into something productive. So we signed up for a trial week that meets everyday this week for an hour in the morning. It was pretty cheap and I thought it would give me a good idea about his ability.

We lasted a class and a half. And now our gymnastic career is over. At least for another year or so. Who knows? This kid is so set on doing his own thing he just couldn't function in the class. I don't know if it's so much that he can't or that he won't. Yesterday was his first day and he was very enthusiastic about all the activities. The problem was that he had trouble waiting his turn and his attention span got the better of him. This is what the class sounded like.

"Mateo. Mateo, no. Come here. Over here Mateo. Mateo, come sit right here."

The whole time. More so than all the other kids combined. And the instructors said specifically they didn't want the parents to intervene because they want the children to learn to listen to the teachers. So I didn't intervene. But I couldn't help but feel like my kid was ruining their class, and probably driving them crazy. But Mateo was really great at the activities. It's hard to believe he ever had a gross motor delay. Aside from some balance issues, he was really good at everything. After the class I was excited about his potential. I also thought he would only get better as the week went on and he learned the structure of the program.

Well, today we left early. And we don't plan on going back. He didn't get better. He got significantly worse. I decided it's just not worth it if I'm going to have to chase him around the gym telling him to listen to the teacher the whole time. So we're gonna wait another year or so and try again.

But it was fun to watch him when he was doing the activities. The rest of the time was pretty funny. The whole class would be sitting on a mat getting ready for the next activity and there's Mateo about 20 feet away rolling around on the mat, or hopping around like a frog. That didn't bother me so much, it was kind of cute. But when he kept using the other equipment he wasn't supposed to, or taking another child's turn and being disruptive, that's when I had to intervene. And the fact that he wasn't listening to me or the teachers, just wasn't okay. So we left. And he didn't seem to care. He just wanted his juice box I promised him after class.

I'll post some videos I took as soon as I get a chance.

What We May Be Doing Right

2009-08-13T21:08:00.002-04:00

I don't actually credit myself with much while parenting Mateo, but one thing I'll say for myself is that we seem to have figured out one strategy that's helped. I'll tell you what it is but you have to promise not to say, "Duh!" to me, okay? Okay.

We learned to lower our expectations to start. I don't expect Mateo to do what I say, when I say it. Especially without a little resistance at first. But I find if I repeat what I want and give him a little time, he usually does it. We have to treat him a little more delicately and with a little more flexibility and sensitivity. And it really does help him, and us, not having the pressure to be "normal", but to just be who we are at the time we're in. And when I stop trying to conform to what society expects of Mateo or our family, we all do much better.

The continuation of our "schedule" is coming up next. And I have some new photos to post.

Daily Schedule My A**!

2009-08-11T11:45:00.000-04:00

I've read on a couple different blogs now, a daily schedule for the children, mostly related to homeschooling. But as I was reading, I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of it all. So I've written my own parallel schedule of my day with Mateo. I'm just mentioning Mateo in this schedule, since he's the funny one. Keep in mind, this is a bad day. He does have days that go better than this. But I thought I'd show the full realm of how bad it could be.

6:30 am - Mateo comes in Mommy's bedroom, I put him back in his. 1st attempt at wake up time.

7:00 am - 2nd attempt at wake up time.

7:24 am - 3rd attempt at wake up time. I finally give in and drag my butt out of bed.

7:25 am- Mateo demands in an increasingly loud voice that he would like breakfast ASAP. As in now!

7:27 - Mateo eats oatmeal. I try to get a bra and some deodorant on.

7:30 - Mateo demands more breakfast. Mommy says wait (still working on the bra step) and Mateo screams.

7:31 - Mommy tells Mateo he can have more breakfast when he asks nicely.

7:32 - Mateo throws his spoon across the room.

Let's just skip ahead a little...

7:55 - Breakfast is done. Noggin is on TV. Mateo is playing with cars. Mommy starts count down for Mateo to get dressed.

8:00 - Warning #1

8:05 - Warning #2

8:06 - Warning #3

8:07 - Mommy tells Mateo it's time to get dressed. Mateo runs away.

8:09 - Mommy chases Mateo then proceeds to wrestle him into his clothes using various threats and bribes.

8:30 - Play time!

8:32 - Mateo whines for juice and to eat again.

8:33- Mommy asks Mateo to wait until snack time for juice and to eat, Mateo begins explosive tantrum.

8:34 - Mommy contemplates the pros and cons of giving in to juice and a snack or holding my ground for him to wait until later. Mommy makes decision to negotiate.

8:36 - Mommy asks Mateo if he would like some water or milk now while waiting until snack time. Mateo doesn't negotiate, cue larger tantrum.

9:00 - After numerous attempts at distraction, negotiation, and calming techniques, Mateo has hit/bit/scratched/thrown toy/etc. and ended up in a time-out.

9:15 - After Mateo stops calling names, spitting, and screaming at the top of his lungs in time-out, he apologizes to Mommy and is let free.

9:17 - Mateo asks for juice and to eat. Mommy sighs, looks at the clock, and realizes it's snack time anyway.

9:20 - Snack. Mommy attempts to get dressed, brush teeth, contacts in, etc. Then discovers Mateo has fingerpainting/mashed/squished his snack on himself, the table, and the floor.

9:30 - Snack time over.

9:32 - Mommy collapses on the couch after realizing it's only 9:30 in the morning.

9:40 - We decide (meaning Mateo) to go outside and play. Commence act of putting on shoes.

10:05 - We finally go outside.

10:15 - Mateo's powerwheels truck is not charged (Mommy silently curses Daddy for that one), Mateo flips out. He calls the truck "stupid" multiple times, then flips it over upside down.

10:20 - We go inside because Mateo just can't get over it. Use TV as a distraction until we can move on.

10:45 - Mommy suggests play-dough. This goes well.

11:00 - Until Mateo wants something specific to work with the play-dough that just doesn't and he gets frustrated.

11:10 - Play-dough away with much drama.

11:30 - Lunch! Mateo eats exactly nothing, even though he states he is hungry over and over.

To be continued...

Five Years!

2009-08-07T18:45:00.000-04:00

Today my husband and I have been married 5 years. I'm proud to say we are just as in love as the day we said "I do". I'm always amazed at our ability to work as a team. I think the key to our success is our ability to compromise and balance one another. Of course there are times when we are both grumpy and act selfishly. But usually, one of is willing to sacrifice for the others sake. And usually, when one is having a rough day, the other steps up to take the lead. We truly are a great team. And I'm so thankful for him. He is the peanut butter to my jelly. The macaroni to my cheese. The ying to my yang. And I love him!

Things That Make You Say Hmm...

2009-08-05T08:59:00.002-04:00

We just got back from a mini-vacay to New Hampshire for some hiking, swimming, shopping, and train rides. And I just wanted to high light a few things that happened that just make me want to say hmm... or, more accurately, why would you do that?!

- Mateo was waiting outside while I changed Maya in the dressing room at the beach and as people walked by, he would whack them with his pool noodle. Hmm...

- While ordering pizza and waiting to collect it and pay, Mateo was walking up and down the line licking the bar that you slide your tray on. Hmm...

- When I went to fill our drinks at the fountain and stock up on napkins and utensils, Mateo emptied the entire contents of the salt and pepper shakers onto the table. Hmm...

- We were outside of the condo enjoying the nice mountain air and Mateo tried to open the door to someone else's condo and when it was locked, he knocked and yelled to open up. Hmm...

I also decided, per this trip, that Mateo may have sugar running through his veins instead of blood. My huband's friend, Terry (who lives in Hawaii and came with us since we don't see him much), tried to tire Mateo out one day. We went on a short hike, almost a mile, to a cascading waterfall where we climbed up a steep hill to swim in some of the pools (it was really cool, I'll post pictures later). Terry and Mateo ran the whole way there. Then he proceeded to climb up the hill, around on the rocks, swim in the water (somewhat because it was really cold) and then climb back down. Then Terry, thinking he would really get him this time, ran Mateo all the way back to the parking lot, one mile. Dave and I took our time walking with the baby (who was on my back) and when we got to the parking lot, there was Terry looking completely amazed, and Mateo, still running, back and forth across the trail. The whole adventure was about two hours and Mateo didn't slow down for a minute. You see? He must have sugar in there or something.

But really, Mateo was SUPER hyper this weekend. One of my theories is that perhaps because we stopped doing the therapeutic listening for the vacation, that had some effect on his ability to be calm. I don't know. Just a theory. I just hope things go back to "normal", meaning periods of extreme hyperactivity and just some hyperactivity in between, instead of extreme hyperactivity ALL DAY LONG. I just don't think I could take it anymore. Well, thank God for daycare.