Totally Psyching Myself Out

When we started the process for our second adoption, I was really relaxed and not at all eager to get placed. And really, I have no reason to rush. It's not like I'm dying to be a mom like I was before Mateo. And there's plenty to do to occupy our time. Actually, there's plenty to do even just to be ready for another child. So, naturally, I figured I'd just forget that we were waiting altogether and just go on with life as usual.

Of course, my mind never does what I expect it to (it's like it has a mind of it's own or something) and I find myself thinking about our next child everyday. And I'm totally psyching myself out! Every time the phone rings, my mind automatically thinks it could be a call about a kid. Actually, it's getting annoying. Something about just knowing you're on a list, somewhere out there someone has your name and file and home-study ready to place you with a child at any moment, just keeps you constantly on edge. And it isn't like international adoption where you have lots of time to prepare before you pick the child up. In our case, we could potentially have a child in our house tomorrow!

So, trying not to jinx us, I try not to think about it. Then I find myself thinking about not thinking about it, so I'm trying not to do that too. Does your head hurt yet, cause mine does?

Anyway, we've also been slowly getting prepared in whatever way we can, trying not to rush since we most likely won't be chosen for some time (but you never know). But I'm a "signs" kind of person. Don't know why. I believe in God and that He has everything in control and for the right reasons, but I can't stop myself from constantly looking for signs. Most of the time, they're in my head. But sometimes, just sometimes, they're real.

Really though, we haven't been rushing to be prepared. But it's happened, in a natural way, this weekend. We happened to be meeting my mom at Ikea (which is an hour away and not so easy to get to on a regular basis), so I bought some supplies to organize Mateo's closet so there's more room for another child's things. I was going to just hold onto them until I had some time later to fix it up. But we were snowed in yesterday with nothing to do so...well...you know the rest. We also found a crib mattress on sale, so we bought that too. And earlier in the weekend, Dave and I happened to hang out at Babies R Us while waiting for a dinner reservation (not at Babies R Us, the restaurant next door), and so we bought some new bath toys and figured, while we're here, let's get some stuff we need for another child too. See what I mean? It just kind of snuck up on us. So now that we're pretty prepared, I'm wondering if we'll get the call soon. When we waited for Mateo, it seemed that God's timing worked out perfectly to how prepared we were. Well, could it be a sign that we happened to be in the right places this weekend to finish getting ourselves prepared because we are getting a call this week? Probably not. But maybe. Or it could be coincidence. But it's a big coincidence. Or maybe it isn't. I don't know. My head is spinning again.

Well, since I've confused and annoyed enough of us with this post, I'll just end it here.