Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Guest Blogger: on "Christianizing" Our Lives

My guest blogger is Scott, an old friend from college, and also the husband of my best friend from Indiana. Coincidentally they are also the couple going to Disney with us next week to take care of our child while we - errr.... I mean.... to have a great time with us! Scott wrote a great post about Christian stores and it is hilarious. You have to read it! Then check out his blog for more funny and inspiring thoughts.

Alright, I know what I’m about to say is a common complaint people have, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Why in the world do Christians have to Christianize everything? I was in a Christian book store with my church small group last night to pick out a group bible study. Once that was achieved, we started wandering around the store and happened upon some kind of entertainment section. And do you know what they had? Praise Ponies! Awesome! Now you may not be familiar with Praise Ponies, so check out this link for an explanation (hint: think My Little Pony, but definitely check the link - it’s funny!).

They also happened to have a Bible version of the game Apples to Apples - because the non-Bible version of the game is notoriously satanic you know. There’s also that satanic game Scattergories where you have to list words that begin with a certain letter; thankfully they now have a Christian version of that as well so you aren’t forced to list words in faith-crushing categories like “food” or “types of transportation”.

I was also fortunate enough to happen upon a dvd player that automatically takes out bad parts in movies - like their demo where they showed how they took out a clip in the kids movie The Spiderwick Chronicles where a kid gets his leg bitten by an invisible goblin. Unfortunately, they showed a comparison of the movie with the clip still in there, so it was pretty traumatic for me when I had to witness the two seconds of the kid getting bit. Fortunately for you, you can buy their dvd player and not have to live through that harrowing experience of watching it in it’s unedited PG-rated version.

They said it works with thousands of movies and listed a few as an example, including Black Hawk Down (”Rated R for intense, realistic, graphic war violence, and for language”). So in addition to making the movie more Christian, they’ll save you time because I’m sure the edited version of Black Hawk Down is somewhere around five minutes!

All in all, it was a good trip to the store. I learned a lot about how to be a better Christian by making sure I only use the second-rate Christian version of any popular item I may want (like Bibleopoly [aka Monopoly] where you can buy cities of the bible and place churches on them! You can’t win by competing, only by helping! Oh how the spiritual awakenings just keep coming!)

My comment to him was that he clearly doesn't see the value in such parenting tools. Like the DVD player, for example. Obviously he doesn't understand what these "children's" movies (if you can call them that) do to the young psyche. Like teaching them about their imaginations, for one. And how to separate fact from fiction. And dare I say, have fun? And the games! Sure, it sounds harmless, a little monopoly never hurt anyone. Well, we all know what competition leads to.... accomplishment and self-confidence! Obviously giving them a false sense of pride (which is one of the deadly sins you know!). And don't even get me started on the heathen My Little Ponies and their lustful ways.

But... Scott's not a parent yet, so we'll forgive him.


Heather said...

Haha, this is hilarious! Oh and yes I was just referred to that blog you mentioned in my comments.... and yes, she reminded me a bit of me.... atleast me on major tranquilizers.... or maybe that's what will happen when I become a sleep deprived mother.

JonesEthiopia said...

I actually MADE the Ethiopian food we had tonight! This was my first attempt at making it on my own. I learned from an Ethiopian woman another Ethio-mom I know is friends with. She taught us how to make it. You're officially invited to my house anytime we have it to try it out. :)

The Knott Family said...

I added a link to your blog from mine......this post is too funny! I may have to invest in some of the Praise Ponies for pagan ponies in this house!

Scott said...

"But... Scott's not a parent yet, so we'll forgive him."

"Yet"? What's this "yet" stuff?

los cazadores said...

I just laughed out loud! That was a hoot.


Amber said...

so true!!!

that was some good laughing