What's With the Pooping Dolls?

Now that I spend most of my TV watching time on channels like Disney and Noggin, I get to see all the millions of dollars spent on toy and sugar-filled cereal advertising for little people with the attention span of a squirrel. One of those commercials happens to be for a doll that comes with an entire bathroom set, including mini doll-size sink and toilet. Now get this, it's not just a doll that squirts water out of a whole "down there" after you fill it up with water in the bath, like I remember having when I was little. No, this doll sits on her little toilet and when she gets up, there is a little turd and some pee in there. I don't know how it gets there, that's too much information even for me. Then you flush and the plastic piece at the bottom of the toilet flips over to reveal the clean water once again. Does this seem weird to anyone else? This particular commercial even features a cartoon version of the doll crossing her legs and giggling while saying "oops." What is this?

Look, I loved dolls. That may be an understatement. I was obsessed with dolls when I was little. I believed my dolls were real way past the age that it's socially acceptable. Not only that, but because of my early exposure to handicapped and mentally retarded individuals (via my mom's job as an occupational therapist) all of my dolls had different disabilities. One had braces on her legs and was still learning to walk. One of my dolls face got smashed in by the neighbor
boy and when it popped back out, the eyes never looked quite right, so that became my mentally challenged doll. Actually, she was trans-gender too. I couldn't decide if he/she was a boy or girl so sometimes he was "Timothy" and sometimes she was "Kelly". I know, I was a disturbed child. Anyway, my point is I had an unnatural attachment to my dolls, but even I wouldn't have wanted to play "let's poop in the toilet" with a doll. It's just gross!

So this atrocity leads me to question these fine toy manufacturers:

• Are there noises that accompany this doll as she does "her business" on the toilet?
• Does the doll get constipated if she doesn't eat enough fiber?
• Can you upgrade the set to include a bidet?
  
• Were the board members high when they approved this idea?
  

Have we come to a place where we can't think of anything new and revolutionary for our kids to play with so we are forced to resort to recreating all too realistic and private rituals? Alright, so I have a few ideas. Baby Bulimia, Polly Picks-her-nose, Zit-popping Zoe, and Toe-nail Clipping Clara, whose toe-nails really grow. Okay Mattel, how much do I get for those?