9 Things I Learned at the Big E with My 2 Year Old

#1 - Dave most definitely does not run faster than a car moves through traffic, even when highly motivated to find an ATM before said car gets to the parking lot.

#2 - Mateo is the only kid I've ever met that can not and will not sleep in the stroller, to Mommy's dismay, despite all the tricks and bribes and putting huge amounts of effort into making him as cozy and comfortable as possible, which means our Disney trip in January is going to be a huge pain because we'll have to travel back and forth to the condo for nap time and we already know the kid can't function without a nap!

#3 - I love run-on sentences.

#4 - Funnel cake and toddler digestive systems do not go well together.

#5 - Mommy needs to lose weight. Yes, I realize I do say that a lot. I'm hoping that by saying it over and over, my metabolism will suddenly start functioning like it did when I was 9 and somehow I would not want to polish off an entire pint of Ben & Jerry's in one sitting.

#6 - The kid leash is most certainly coming with us to Disney. Whoever invented that thing is a genius. I admit, I had my doubts about the social impact of putting my child on a leash. But in a crowded place with an active two year old, I got over it.

#7 - My son loves animals and, given the opportunity, would kiss them, ride them, hug them, feed them, sniff them, stroke them, milk them, and everything else requiring him to be completely disinfected afterward.

#8 - Traditions are fun things to have with your family, but usually overrated and expensive so...

#9 - We're never going to the Big E again.

I know that 9 of something is an odd number but I'm rebelling against societies pressure to conform to certain expectations when it comes to the grouping of important information. That, and I couldn't think of 10.

So, maybe you've learned something from reading this, or maybe you've gotten dumber from reading it. Either way, I don't really care. See ya next time (or not) when I discuss the impact of modern religion on democracy and the upcoming election.

Ha, ha! Who am I kidding? I'll probably just post a video since I'm pretty lazy.

Kid leash

Why do double chins only look cute on babies and toddlers?