MLK Jr. Day (a little late)

I had Disney on the brain and therefore missed my obligation and opportunity to write a post about Martin Luther King Jr. But it's something I don't want to ignore. It's important. And I wish there was more attention to it in every culture and every American family, not just multiracial and minority families. Mostly because I never gave it a second thought before getting my beautiful African-American and Puerto-Rican son. And I am ashamed of that. I should have noticed, I should have cared, but like most of us, I was living in the bubble of white privilege. But the more I delve into the depths that is transracial (adoptive) parenting, the more I realize the changes I need to make to myself. And the more I care about things like Martin Luther King Jr. day, Obama's inauguration (which I did watch live) even though I had never watched or cared about a single inauguration before, looking for TV shows and books and schools that are diverse in race and culture, and much much more.

And it's not just for Mateo, although we all agree we would go to the ends of the earth for our children, but to be a better person, a better citizen of this earth, and a better child of God. I try to have patience for those who do not understand, because I was just like them once. But I find myself becoming more and more intolerant of ignorance, bigotry, and prejudice. As I re-hash in my mind conversations I've had with people about race, I find myself getting more and more furious that I couldn't make them see, make them understand, or even want to understand. At least I had my eyes and my mind wide-open to learning. And that really hurts. Especially when it's a friend. But in thinking about Martin Luther King Jr., I remind myself that he did not forefully and angrily make people believe in him. He inspired and encouraged and led as an example of humility and integrity. I have a lot to learn.

I guess I'm still navigating through the gray and haziness of it all. I don't think I'll ever come out the other side, but I have to try to keep wandering through it for the sake of Mateo and my future children. But let's give credit where credit is due. Martin Luther King Jr. is an inspiration. To me and I hope to my children some day. What would have happened if he didn't stand up for what he believed in? Where would we be now? Obama probably wouldn't be president. Schools may still be segregated. We may not even have the children we love so dearly. It's scary to even think about. If I could have my children come away with anything regarding MLK Jr. it would be to fight for your passions no matter what the cost. Although I wonder if MLK Jr.'s mother worried about him getting arrested during all of those marches, and if he would eat a healthy dinner, and wear a warm enough sweater. You've got to think he was who he was partly because of his parents.

I'd like to end this post with two book reviews. These are two children's books I found at our local bookstore.

The first is called "Barack Obama; Son of Promise, Child of Hope."



The illustrations are beautiful, as is the story. The only downside is that it's told from the view of a single mother of a young black boy. Obviously not every family can relate to that, but it makes the story interesting since Obama grew up without his father's daily presence. The story tells of a young "Barry" who had dreams of helping the poor and changing the world and how that led him to becoming the president. It's very touching.

This next one is called "Martin's Big Words"


I LOVE this book. It tells the story of Martin Luther King Jr. and his fight for equality in simple, yet honest, language. The pictures are also beautiful and the story includes some of his actual speeches. It is my new favorite book of Mateo's.

Both books are written more for an elementary age child, but a preschooler would like the pictures and be able to follow along. I bought them for Mateo now because I'm an avid collector of multi-cultural children's books, even if he's too young to appreciate them now. Both these books are worth having in your library.

And finally, although I'd like to think that MLK Jr. would be proud of the families we've become in this generation, we still have a long way to go. And I have a dream, that we will keep striving to become a more equal country, not only by race, but gender, sexual orientation, and in every way that makes us different and unique. For we are all children of God.

Hoarding Socks?

I wouldn't say I'm a pack-rat by nature. I've seen the talk shows about hoarders who can't seem to let go of beloved possessions and continuously shop for bargains on random trinkets they don't need until they're house is so packed they can't even find their children under all the $1.99 porcelain kitty figurines. Actually, I know people like that. And it disgusts me and confuses me at the same time. My husband started off with this tendency. I have since reformed him. I, however, am quite the opposite. I love to purge old stuff, and sometimes new stuff that has proved useless. It just feels good to throw away an entire garbage bag full of junk that's been cluttering up my closet where I could otherwise be organizing. It's just so....cleansing? No, that sounds too much like something a health nut would do to their colon. Refreshing! That's it!

Well, despite this random fact about me, for some reason I simply can not bring myself to throw away two types of things. Shoes and socks. It doesn't surprise me about the shoes, I am a self-confessed shoe whore. Dave once tried to make me throw away one pair every time I bought a new pair. I know, funny right? Ahh...men. (Shaking head in feigned humor) But the socks? That seems a little weird. I just noticed how bad it's gotten today while attempting to make all my socks fit in one drawer. And I noticed that I have socks dating back to high school! Really. Striped socks, polka dot socks, toe socks someone gave me as a gag gift, a pair of smiley face socks I stole from my mom years ago, "crazy sock day" socks, fuzzy socks Dave gave me for Christmas when we were dating, rainbow socks, Halloween socks, snowflake socks, that one pair that only matches that one outfit that I wore that one time and haven't since, and on and on. What is going on? Why haven't I thrown any of these out? It's not like I ever wear them (other than once in a while around the house during laundry day). I am a grown up after all. There's no "crazy sock day" in the real world. Maybe it's the memories each pair brings or the way they bring out my eyes, but for some reason I can't throw the stupid things away.


BUT, today I did. Well, not all of them. One step at a time people! I threw away...let's say...about...several. At least the toe socks. They really aren't comfortable at all. And they kinda creep me out when other people wear them. The rest, I'll get around to. I will. Really. In the meantime, I'm going to go put my Valentine's Day socks on now!


What do you horde or have a hard time getting rid of?

Caption This Photo

Leave a comment and I'll publish them as they come. Be creative!

"Dad, I was thinking of letting you in on my new invention. It's called a detachable nose picker. What do you think?" by Devan

"Dad, the daisy has blossomed, if you know what I mean...hint, hint...

[Code: you have a boogar. this is what my best friend and I used to say to each other to be discrete about it.]" by Cindy from Ethiodyssey

The Ups and Downs (but mostly ups) of Disney

Disney was fantastic! Those of you with young ones planning to go, I must give you a word of caution. Avoid the Bug's Life at Animal Kingdom at all costs!!!! Well, that's one of the "down" points I guess. It scared the crap out of Mateo (and me, but don't tell anyone). Seriously, who would have thought? A Bug's Life! It's a kid's movie! I guess we missed the 6 signs warning that it may be frightening for young children on the way into the show. But I wasn't the only one to completely terrorize my kid, there were several others running out the side door with screaming child in tow. And what's worse is that was the very first thing we did in Disney, so that entire day Mateo was scared of every ride, show, or anything that resembled a ride or a show. Yeah, I'm a horrible mom. Who traumatizes their kid the first day at Disney?

Speaking of scary, why does every kid's ride at Magic Kingdom have to include something even a little bit scary? Even Winnie the Pooh had a creepy, psychedelic huffalump part.

Another downside, dealing with people who don't have kids. What are you doing here? This is a child's amusement park! Get out of my way! This is what I felt like saying. But what I said was...

Excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, excuse me, EXCUSE ME!

as I was running over their feet with my giant stroller. And I learned that teenagers don't move for nobody! Neither do French people. I was a very mean person by the end of the trip.

The only other down side of the trip was the way home. Apparently, according to our perky airline pilot, we were part of Florida history! Yes, there had never been frost in the last ten years at the Orlando airport. Yay! I was not so amused. Neither was Mateo who spent the better part of the morning running up and down the airport terminal terrorizing innocent passengers. At least he slept on the flight home and it was perfectly peaceful.

The rest of the trip was awesome. My favorite part was when Mateo kept wanting to get out of the stroller in the crowded areas and I told him he had to hold someone's hand. He had the choice of me, Dave, Devan, or Scott. He thought about it for a moment and said, "me" and held his own hand. It was cute, but not exactly what I had in mind. I swear this kid is smart. He may not be talking in complete sentences yet, but there is nothing wrong with his head (other than it being shaped kind of funny).

We also, going at an off-peak time, didn't experience long waiting times for the rides. I think the longest we waited was half an hour for the Pooh ride. And Mateo entertained himself by sticking things up Daddy's nose and emptying sugar packets on the ground. You know, typical 2 year old stuff.

Sea World was my favorite. Mateo could care less about sea life, we found out. Not his area of interest I suppose. I thought hand-feeding the dolphins was by far the best part. Mateo insisted the one parked sea world car was way cooler. Seriously, the car didn't even do anything. It just sat there with a picture of Shamu and the word "Sea World" across it. How boring! But to Mateo, that topped the whole day. Fire juggling Hawaiian performers? Nah. Jumping, twirling whales? Boooorrrrring! A parked car? Hallelujah! Ah Mateo. I don't think I'll ever get you. But I love you anyway.

Well, that's pretty much it. It was a blast and now Mateo asks to go to Disney every single day. I finally told him I don't have any money left to go to Disney. So he's taken to begging on the street for "Disney money." He even asked our pediatrician to contribute.

And...here are some more pictures to bore you with.

Mateo doing his best Stevie Wonder impersonation


Sea World was by far the best part (at least for me)

We even got to play catch with the dolphins

It's a little blurry but I think this is a funny picture. That's chocolate cake on his spoon.

Shamu show

On our last night we went to the Mahiki Luau at Sea World
It was awesome!
I like this picture of Dave and I but Mateo looks
like he's about to dig into something.

Yes, it was a bit cold at Sea World. In the 40's I think. It is January after all. But what was great about it being cold was that we were practically the only people there. No lines, to fighting to catch a glimpse of an exibit, and we could sit anywhere we wanted at the shows. I would go in 40 degree weather anyday to have the park to ourselves.

I Need My Dog Back!!!

Hello, yes we are back from Disney. More on that in my next post. But I just have to ask, those of you without dogs, how do you do it? I haven't picked up my dog from my mom's yet and even though she's a HUGE pain in the butt (my dog, not my mom, although....I'll stop there since she's probably reading this), I need her back! Why? Because she cleans my floor! Seriously, I have taken for granted the past year and a half that I hardly ever have to clean up after my son because my dog eats every last crumb before it even hits the floor. Now I am having to sweep after every meal, instead of just once a month like usual. How do you pet-less people do it? Luca! I'm coming for you! And I have tons of treats waiting just for you under Mateo's chair!

(I promise I'll post more pictures from Disney, only the good ones so I don't bore you, and tell you all the funny, embarrassing, and annoying stories from the trip.)

Disney Update!

We are having a fantastic time. Only 2 meltdowns so far, not bad for half way through. Here's some photos from the last few days. Of course I have a million, at least, but I won't bore you with the details. Mostly, these are for my mom, but enjoy!

Mateo and his new best friend "Cock", or as we like to call him, "Scott."

Upon receiving a gift from Auntie Devan and Scott of a Walt Disney World bus, Mateo becomes obsessed with showing ALL of the Disney characters the bus.

"So, what's the deal with this Mickey Mouse guy anyway?"

He even lets Mickey drive the bus around

Come on, how much cuter can you get?

We'll be back in a few days with more pictures and stories!

Jealous Much?

Tomorrow we will be leaving this...


to go here...


with these people...



to do this....


and hang out with them...



Jealous much?

An Odd Conversation Before Bed

In bed, after watching a special about trans-gender issues in children.

Me: We have to be careful what Mateo plays with or he might develop gender identification issues.

Dave: Well, if he plays with My Little Christian Ponies, he will.

Me: Actually, that would be trans-species identification disorder.

Dave: I wonder if they’ve thought of G.I. Missionary Joe yet?

Me: There’s an untapped market for ya’.

Dave: I’d start with the apostles. They could play pretend about their journey to Rome and the first church of Corinth. And then act out the stoning. Each figurine would come with a packet of gravel.

Me: How did people die from stoning anyway? Couldn’t they just run away? Or duck?

Dave: I dunno. Maybe you should blog about it.

Me: Nah. Too gory. Anyway, it seems a very ineffective way to kill someone. I would imagine it taking a really long time.

Dave: I think I read about someone running away from a stoning recently. I think it’s legal in other countries.

Me: Well, now "getting stoned" has taken on a very different meaning.

Dave: A better meaning.

Me: Now THAT should be legal.





*** G.I. Missionary Joe trademark pending***

Just Curious - Why Adopt?

Hello all my bloggy friends! Well I'm nosy, but I'm wondering, my adoptive bloggy friends, how did you choose your adoption path? Why international, domestic, or from foster care? What country did you choose and why? Special needs versus healthy? Older child versus infant?

No one is here to judge your particular decisions. Just curious and interested in hearing some stories. If you're not an adoptive family, do you have bio kids and why did you choose that route? If no kids, why or why not? Participate in any way you'd like.

I'll start. We chose to adoption because, honestly, I never felt the urge to get pregnant. The whole thing kinda freaked me out. My husband wanted to adopt because he didn't feel justified in adding a life into an already populated world just for our own DNA to be spread (which isn't that desirable anyway). We researched all types of adoption, private domestic, international (from every country imaginable), and from foster care. I had lots of experience with foster kids and knew what they were like, but I didn't know much about the process to adopt or if they even "gave out" young children. After getting discouraged over and over at the high cost of international adoption, I met someone who had adopted a 7 month old from foster care and learned about how it all worked. We would have readily accepted a child from another country but couldn't justify going into debt or putting off plans to buy a house, to pay for a child that are so readily available here (and for free!). And I couldn't bring myself to go forward with private adoption because I know there are so many women who can not have biological children, who wait for a newborn a very long time, and I couldn't justify getting in the way of that when I can (as far as I know) have bio children. Plus, I didn't care if we had an infant or not.

After attending an open house with our social service department, our hearts started beating for children in foster care. My heart already beats for any children, but this was a big deal for my husband who isn't a "kid person". For him to suddenly care so much about children who've been abused and tossed around a system, was a big sign for both of us. That, and free college tuition. The process is free, plus our son gets a subsidy every month for medical costs and health care till age 21. Oh, and they do "give out" young children. Even infants.

We were (are) young, so we decided a younger child would be best for us to start with. We picked ages 0-3. Although I would have taken an older child, my husband didn't feel comfortable. We got our son at the perfect age of 14 months. We were also open to many special needs, including drug exposure and cleft lip/palate. The downside to adopting from foster care is, of course, the legal risk. There is no "sure thing". But there are levels of risk and you can choose to only accept children with a low level of legal risk. We picked medium level, I think. I know, it sounds weird. Oh, and we didn't specify a gender, but like everywhere, people prefer girls and more boys are left in the system waiting. In the U.S, most are African American.

Anyway, we had such a great experience working with our local office that we've decided to use this way of building our family for the future. So...what about you?

Who's Our President?

That's right! Obama! Well, technically, not for another 10 days. But we saw him on TV today and I have to take every opportunity to point him out to Mateo.

That's the president Mateo! He looks like you! See? You can be whatever you want to be!

I've been trying to teach Mateo how to say "We love you, Mr.Obama!" in case we ever encounter him in real life.

Unfortunately, Mateo thinks Obama sounds a lot like "Mama Mia!" (see post archives) and insists on watching the movie every time I try to get him to say it. So far my plan is backfiring, but I'm not giving up yet.

Guest Blogger: on "Christianizing" Our Lives

My guest blogger is Scott, an old friend from college, and also the husband of my best friend from Indiana. Coincidentally they are also the couple going to Disney with us next week to take care of our child while we - errr.... I mean.... to have a great time with us! Scott wrote a great post about Christian stores and it is hilarious. You have to read it! Then check out his blog for more funny and inspiring thoughts.

Alright, I know what I’m about to say is a common complaint people have, but I’m going to say it anyway.

Why in the world do Christians have to Christianize everything? I was in a Christian book store with my church small group last night to pick out a group bible study. Once that was achieved, we started wandering around the store and happened upon some kind of entertainment section. And do you know what they had? Praise Ponies! Awesome! Now you may not be familiar with Praise Ponies, so check out this link for an explanation (hint: think My Little Pony, but definitely check the link - it’s funny!).

They also happened to have a Bible version of the game Apples to Apples - because the non-Bible version of the game is notoriously satanic you know. There’s also that satanic game Scattergories where you have to list words that begin with a certain letter; thankfully they now have a Christian version of that as well so you aren’t forced to list words in faith-crushing categories like “food” or “types of transportation”.

I was also fortunate enough to happen upon a dvd player that automatically takes out bad parts in movies - like their demo where they showed how they took out a clip in the kids movie The Spiderwick Chronicles where a kid gets his leg bitten by an invisible goblin. Unfortunately, they showed a comparison of the movie with the clip still in there, so it was pretty traumatic for me when I had to witness the two seconds of the kid getting bit. Fortunately for you, you can buy their dvd player and not have to live through that harrowing experience of watching it in it’s unedited PG-rated version.

They said it works with thousands of movies and listed a few as an example, including Black Hawk Down (”Rated R for intense, realistic, graphic war violence, and for language”). So in addition to making the movie more Christian, they’ll save you time because I’m sure the edited version of Black Hawk Down is somewhere around five minutes!

All in all, it was a good trip to the store. I learned a lot about how to be a better Christian by making sure I only use the second-rate Christian version of any popular item I may want (like Bibleopoly [aka Monopoly] where you can buy cities of the bible and place churches on them! You can’t win by competing, only by helping! Oh how the spiritual awakenings just keep coming!)


My comment to him was that he clearly doesn't see the value in such parenting tools. Like the DVD player, for example. Obviously he doesn't understand what these "children's" movies (if you can call them that) do to the young psyche. Like teaching them about their imaginations, for one. And how to separate fact from fiction. And dare I say, have fun? And the games! Sure, it sounds harmless, a little monopoly never hurt anyone. Well, we all know what competition leads to.... accomplishment and self-confidence! Obviously giving them a false sense of pride (which is one of the deadly sins you know!). And don't even get me started on the heathen My Little Ponies and their lustful ways.

But... Scott's not a parent yet, so we'll forgive him.

The 3 Kings Brought What?

We celebrated 3 Kings Day yesterday. It is a big holiday in the Puerto Rican culture, so we've integrated it into our family. Normally you are supposed to put grass in a box under your bed for the camels that the 3 Kings ride, but Mateo is so young that we didn't bother this year. We just gave him a present and said, "Happy 3 Kings Day."

Actually, I had planned an open house for friends and family and was going to make Puerto Rican food, but the weather forecast looked bad so I canceled. Turns out it didn't start sleeting till 10pm. Oh well.

So we took an extra gift we had for Christmas (since he got SO much) and gave it to Mateo last night. It was a garbage truck, which Mateo loves. In an attempt to put some meaning to the random gift, and because Mateo pretty much thinks we go to church every week to worship Santa, Dave tries to explain about the story of the three kings. I'm "working" on the computer at this point because....well....I know better. Here is the conversation they had.

Dave: Mateo, when baby Jesus was born there were 3 kings that brought Jesus presents. They brought gold, frankencense, and -

Mateo: Garbage!

Dave: (enter defeated sigh) Yes, we celebrate 3 Kings Day because the kings brought Jesus garbage.

See? I told him. I know better. In Mateo's defense, we did give him a garbage truck for 3 Kings Day. It kind of makes sense. The 3 kings obviously brought Jesus garbage if we were giving him a garbage truck, right?

So here's to the new nativity story. Gold, frankincense, and garbage!

****** Correction: Dave was actually contrasting the disparities between the myth/tradition of Three Kings Day (i.e. 3 members of some royalty arriving on camels 12 days after Jesus' birth) and the Biblical version of an unspecified number of "wise men" arriving an unspecified time period "after" His birth using an unspecified mode of transportation. Of course, the subtleties were lost on Mateo (and me).

The Balance Must be Restored

A prayer for our future child.

God, we have many things to thank you for. But now we come to you with an urgent request about our future child and Mateo's future brother. If you could do anything for us regarding this second matching and adoption, please, please, please, give us a mellow child. Of course, it would be great if the kid was healthy and well-adjusted and all of that. But even more important is that he be the polar opposite of the one you already gave us (who we love dearly and thank you for almost everyday, by the way).

But, honestly, I don't think I have the stamina for two feisty children. We already have one bossy, demanding, high maintenance, opinionated, loud, hyper, willful, spirited (and adorable) child running the house. Not to mention he takes after me. Dave is in the minority with his calm spirit and mellow vibes. So, please, restore the balance in the universe and bring us a child like Dave. Guide our social worker, God, to find the most easy-going baby on the earth, and bring him to us (wrapped in a bow on our doorstep would great). May the force be with you.

A Year in Photos

Do You Think I Overreacted?

I may have overreacted. Mateo is 2.5 now and as I've said, he's starting to say more words and even some phrases. He's also more aware of himself and other people. One of those things I wasn't quiet prepared for.

We are very culture conscious people. And we would have been no matter what race our children were. But, since Mateo is a different race then us, we are even more sensitive to it. So, we filled our house with books and toys and characters of all colors, with special attention to Hispanic and African American culture. We even had a black Santa figurine out for Christmas. I didn't expect Mateo to notice anything to do with race yet, he just barely realized that a mirror is his own reflection. I knew that one day, I would stutter through a conversation about how his skin looks different from his parent's and what that means and why. But I thought I had another year, at least. But, like always, Mateo is full of surprises.

He was playing with some little plastic people, in which we have an array of ethnicities, but the one he had was a dark black color. Mateo stopped and looked at it closely and said, "Mama, face, face", and pointed to the little person's face, then his face. So, of course, I panicked and started psychoanalyzing what that could possibly mean and what we could possibly be doing wrong that would make him point out that particular little person's face, instead of the Asian or one of the white ones. Immediately my thoughts began racing.

Does he think there's something wrong with the black face?

Does he notice that face doesn't match mine?

Does Mateo think he's white?

Are we not exposing him enough to darker skin people?

Is he afraid of it?

Have we already engrained in him a preference for light skinned people?

Have we completely messed up this parenting thing already?

Have we ruined his chances of becoming a balanced individual who has a clear sense of his identity but who also doesn't allow labels to define him and has the ability to break free of the boxes society will create for him?

Oh my God! What have we done?

Then I threw out all of the books with white characters and replaced them with books with minority characters. Do you think I overreacted?

My Budding Broadway Fan

So, my secret obsessi0n with musicals (maybe not so secret anymore) is rubbing off on my impressionable young son, much to my husband's dismay. Yes, Mateo loves the movie "Mama Mia!" I was talking about it before Christmas because I wanted my husband to buy it for me. Mateo heard me and started saying "Ma-mia, Tee" (which is TV in Mateoanese), he got really excited and knew that it was a movie. How did he know? My only answer was that Dave already bought it for me and Mateo must have been with him. Dave told me that Mateo picked out a present for me, this must have been it!

Well, Christmas came and went and no "Mama Mia!" DVD. I was wrong. How Mateo knew about it is still a mystery. But after Christmas I bought the movie for myself with a gift card. When I got home, Mateo insisted we watch it. He was making such a big fuss that I decided to put it in, thinking after the first few minutes he would change his mind. Nope. He watched the whole thing! He loved it! And we've watched it another five times since then. Sidenote: why is it kids can take such a great thing and manage to ruin it for life?

Anyway, my budding Broadway fan now sings along with the "Honey, Honey" and "Mama Mia" song. I couldn't be prouder. Although, he definitely doesn't have a career in theater. The kid can't sing. I tried to tell him in my best Simon Cowell voice,

"Look, I'm just gonna tell it to you. You can't sing. Your singing is atrocious. I'm allergic to it. I'm allergic to your singing."

"It's like being at a bad Karoake bar. Seriously, you're singing is cruise ship quality at best. Get out of here before I decide I never want to hear that song again."

Mateo asked if he should try a different song. But I told him,

"Not to be rude, but if you sing again, I will stick these pencils in my ears and rupture my ear drums just so I never have to live through that awful voice of yours again."

I think he got the message.

The Conclusion of the Name Game

So, here's the news with the name game. Dave is cut-out. Completely cut-out of the naming process. He has nothing to add and is getting on my nerves. So when we get a call about a baby, and we decide to change the name, I will give him a list of pre-approved names and he can pick the one he likes. But for now, he has no say in the process. Well, it's his own fault for being so negative. Maybe if he came up with a few names instead of just saying no to all mine, he would find himself back in the game. But for now, he's out.

I've made two lists of names that are approved by me. One for a Hispanic child (which is pretty likely to happen) and one list for any other minority child. So here they are.

Hispanic Names: Dante, Manuel (Manny), Lorenzo (Zee), Isreal (Izzy), Ismael, Javi (Hah-vi)

Other Names: Nico, Beniah (Be-NI-ah), Zander, Corbin, Isreal, Dominic

Isaac was the forerunner but it's just too popular for me. But if our kid came with that name we probably wouldn't change it. Thanks for all the suggestions. The deal still stands for the gift card if we end up picking your name when we get our boy. You never know.

Next post I'll move onto something else. I promise.