Confessions of a Real Mom; the down and dirty

We've Moved!

2010-03-17T12:45:00.003-04:00

Check out our new site at

M&M Kids! Stories of parenting, adoption, and life

Read the post below if you haven't already and it will explain everything.

Thanks!

Switching Things Up

2010-03-16T13:02:00.004-04:00

I'm going to be switching blogs up a bit. First of all, Maya will be adopted soon so I'm going to combine her private blog (which I haven't been great at updating anyway) into one blog about both kids, adoption, and life in general. I'd like to write more specifically about Mateo's special needs but I want to keep pictures and names out of it to protect his privacy, especially as he gets older and I get more detailed. So I'm going to create a separate blog specifically about that. I won't make it private because I want to be a support for other parents going through the same things. But I'm not going to connect the two blogs so that new readers won't have access to his picture, name, and personal information. My current readers will know who he is and I invite you to read both blogs, but please do not write his real name in any comments. I'm going to move all my posts about his special needs over to the new blog and keep Confessions of a Real Mom light and fun, with plenty of photos of cute kids! Does this make sense?

As soon as I have the new blog set up, I will leave the site information in a comment on your personal blog. If you want me to do so, leave a comment on this post and be sure it connects to your blog or leave your email address. Thanks.

Best Of....Maya's Party!

2010-03-15T20:50:00.007-04:00

Photos:

Cake:

It looked beautiful...

It tasted awesome!

And it came with a complimentary smash cake just for Maya

For my Connecticut peeps, you can check out the website where
I got the cake here.

Gifts:

My friend made this dress. Yes, made it. You can see more here.

As you can see, the party was a great success!

Just So You Know....

2010-03-14T10:39:00.003-04:00

Talking badly about a people group (race, ethnicity, sexual orientation, country of origin, etc.) whether you are in front of them or not is not okay. Making stereotypical statements about a people group is also not okay. Saying negative things about a people group in front of the parents of a child in that people group is definitely not okay. And then exclaiming the child is "not really" a part of that people group is just plain idiotic. Just so you know.

Seven Pounds Baby!

2010-03-11T19:24:00.004-05:00

I went for my first weigh-in at Weight Watchers tonight and guess how much I lost? Hint: it's in the blog title. That's right! Seven pounds!

If I could find a way to type out a victory dance, I totally would. Picture the Cabbage Patch meets the Running Man meets the Macarena. Oh, and I'm singing a song like "Oh yeah! Oh yeah! I did it! Oh yeah!"

Okay, so put that all together and picture me (minus 7 pounds of course) doing that right now. See? Don't you want to rejoice with me? Or at least laugh at me?

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-10T19:50:00.002-05:00

Yes, that is my son eating an entire Carvel ice cream cake that my husband brought home after surgery in order to get him to eat something.

It didn't work. He hasn't been eating well and has had tummy trouble since surgery one week ago. We've been to the doctor and will probably go again tomorrow if it doesn't get any better. Lots of drama, I'll update later when things settle down a bit.

Maya is ONE!!!

2010-03-09T19:20:00.000-05:00

Well, she turned 1 almost a week ago but I was preoccupied with Mateo's surgery and recovery. And she's not adopted yet :( I was hoping by the first birthday but alas, DCF moves slow. Who would've guessed? But seriously, I just have to say, Maya's bio mom agreed to consent 9 months ago. Nine months! Does it really have to take this long?

Anyway, here are just some things I love about this one year old girl:

- she's just so dang cute!

- she loves her family

- she laughs whenever anybody else laughs

- she is good-natured

- but she is developing her own little personality

- which has turned a bit towards the dramatic

- like when she throws herself face down on the floor and buries her head in her hands when she's upset

- but overall she is easy-going

- she's very tough, I guess a necessity being Mateo's little sister

- she is social and friendly

- she is happy 93% of the time

- she is hilarious and makes us laugh all the time with her funny facial expressions

- she is so dang cute! (She also may be a bit spoiled because of this)

Since she's having a big party next weekend, we had a small celebration on her actual birthday. And she got one present from Dave and I, and one from Mateo. Here is the push-cart I got her. She LOVED it! And was so freakin' cute pushing it around the house.

The boys putting it together with the screw gun

Doesn't she look too tiny to be walking around like this? She's my little munchkin!

2010 Goes Down in History as the Worst Year Ever! (and it's only March)

2010-03-09T08:15:00.003-05:00

First we had the MRSA incident. After that, Mateo started heading downhill with his moods. Then a very close friend of mine died last week unexpectedly. It's been very hard on me and my family. This weekend someone broke into our new house (where we are not living yet) and stole a bunch of my husband's tools that he's been collecting for years and our brand new washer/dryer. They did have the courtesy to take the laundry out of the washer before stealing it. Thankfully I don't have to replace the kids clothes too. But it sucks. We have a $2,000 deductible on our homeowner's insurance so we have to spend at least that much to get the stuff back. Not what we needed at all since our house renovations are far from done and if people didn't already know this, renovating a 1853 house costs money!

Plus, we are behind on all our work. We really need to move in soon so we can stop carrying two mortgages. No one has expressed interest in buying our current house. Maya's adoption isn't even close to happening yet, although her birthday/adoption party is this weekend. Speaking of Maya, she turned one last week. I have a post all ready about how fabulous she is! But I want to add a picture (from behind) and haven't had a chance yet. That will be next.

Anyway, the point is...2010 is officially the worst year ever! I'm hoping by June I'm not saying that anymore.

Surgery Update

2010-03-05T07:47:00.004-05:00

Mateo did end up staying overnight. They took out the tonsils, the adenoids (again), and put in ear tubes. The ENT said it was good that we did all three. He really needed it. Surgery went well but after he wasn't breathing as well. Nothing to be alarmed about but his oxygen sats were low at first so they wanted to be sure to monitor him overnight. He is doing just fine today and coming home soon. Dave stayed overnight with him, since he's such a daddy's boy. He had a lot of trouble coming out of anesthesia, which we anticipated based on how he did last time. Since he's pretty much irritable on a daily basis, and normally has trouble going from sleeping to waking, it was no surprise that he had even more trouble after surgery, in a strange environment, with lots of tubes stuck to him. He was so combative, agitated, AND STRONG, that the nurses gave him a dose of Morphine. Fifteen minutes later, another dose. Twenty minutes later they called the anesthesiologist down, who gave him some Valium, "just to calm him down." Yes, thank you! As we were in a wrestling match with him for the last 45 minutes. After the Valium he still tried to take the IV out but was much slower at it so we could catch him. He recovered fine after that. But I have a big gouge taken out of my finger as a war wound.

Anyway, thanks for the thoughts and prayers. We are happy there was no excessive bleeding. He should be home today, eating ice cream and popsicles, and hopefully in a good mood.

Oh, and we had the same nurse in the inpatient unit as we did when we were there last month with Maya. And she recognized us! I had to explain that we don't intentionally put our children in the hospital 6 weeks apart, it's just a coincidence. We are a normal family...sort of.

Surgery Day

2010-03-04T10:03:00.003-05:00

Today is Mateo's 4th surgery. He's having his tonsils out, ear tubes in, and adenoids checked. He had his adenoids out last year but they sometimes grow back. Sometimes these surgeries can cause complications for children with cleft lip/palate. So we have a bed held for us in case, but we're hoping we don't need to use it. I'd like to go home today. I'll update later about how it went. I'm guessing Mateo won't be very happy after surgery. We're also going to be messing with his medication doses but....he hasn't been stable anyway. I'm also guessing he's going to be pretty irritable and angry due to the heightened level of anxiety the whole event will cause him. He's so sensitive to everything, I'm gearing myself up for a rough couple of days.

I do have a medication update I'll post later.

Wordless Wednesday

2010-03-03T10:23:00.003-05:00

Weight Watchers

2010-02-26T13:00:00.001-05:00

Well, I officially joined Weight Watchers. Now I guess I have to actually watch my weight. Hopefully as it goes down!

It should be no surprise to anyone that I gained...about....a million pounds! of weight in the last two years. Who knows what the reason is (ahem, kids!), but whatever the reason (kids!), it doesn't matter cause I can't get rid of them! So, I might as well just suck it up and deal with the stress in some other way besides downing an entire sleeve of Oreos. And since auditioning for Biggest Loser doesn't seem in the cards, Weight Watchers is the next best thing.

So here I am...at my first meeting. Getting weighed by an overly sympathetic skinny woman with a clipboard. Ugh. I hate it. But I need it. Oh, why can't I be one of those people who can eat anything they want and never gain a pound! I hate them.

I mean, I've never been a size 2 or anything but I used to be pretty average. I've always been curvy, but healthy and muscular. Now I join the ranks of the thousands of point-counting, weekly weigh-in, crying at meetings, Weight Watcher people. It's ok. I can deal with it. I miss my body and my health too much to not give it a try. Wish me luck!

Before Kids

(on our honeymoon to Yosemite)

I don't even have an "after kids" picture to show you because I erase them all before anyone can see them. Hopefully, in a few months, I'll be able to show you some progress. I don't know about wearing no skimpy denim shorts anymore, but we'll see.

To Homeschool or Not To Homeschool? That is the Question.

2010-02-25T08:50:00.001-05:00

The word "homeschooling" was always synonymous with "crazy" in my mind. I never thought it was something that would enter our lives. I will admit I was always intrigued by the idea of homeschooling. Children having more free time, no homework, no tests, and a tailored education where the parents can dictate what's important (more music and art!). But I didn't think I would ever do it. Mostly because I didn't think I could stand being around my children that long.

But remember this post I wrote recently about our plan to begin homeschooling Mateo when we move?

While I think it's the right thing to do in our case, I still have doubts. Will I have enough time while working part time? Will I be able to teach him? Will he be able to learn from me? Will I get tired of coming up with creative and crafty ideas all the time? Will they not be socialized enough? Will he not learn the skills he needs to succeed in life? Will the state take him away if he doesn't pass some sort of homeschooling test? And the list goes on.

Most importantly, is he going to miss out on anything? That's my biggest fear. All those small experiences that only school can give you. I realize some are bad; bullying, cliques, homework, poor teachers, etc. But look at the photo below. This came home from school with Mateo last week.

(click on photo to make larger)

Is this what he's going to miss out on by not being in school? It doesn't change my mind, but it does make me wonder.

Why is it Always About Daddy?

2010-02-24T11:11:00.002-05:00

Maya has taken to calling me "daddy". I would be upset but she's so darn cute when she says it. I honestly think she thinks she's saying "mommy". She responds if someone asks "where's mommy?" But she still says "daddy" enthusiastically as she pats my face. She also calls my husband "daddy". Maybe she thinks everyone is called "daddy"? She also says "doggie". Hm...maybe I should be grateful she doesn't call me that.

Buying Happiness?

2010-02-23T15:43:00.005-05:00

I need some opinions here. So Maya's big birthday party is coming up in a couple weeks. And since it's going to be a pretty big deal (at least in one three year olds eyes) and Maya will get lots of attention and presents, what is your opinion on giving Mateo a small present so he doesn't feel left out? Normally, I would say no way. This creates a spoiled child who feels entitled to a present at everyone's birthday. But now that it's my kid, and I'm going to have to keep telling him "no" to all the presents Maya gets, I think I might get him a little something to open while Maya is opening her presents. Maybe when he's older he can be expected to enjoy the process of his little sister opening her gifts, but he's only 3 years old. I think that's asking too much. So, what do you think? Present or no present at Maya's birthday party?

Speaking of consumerism....I'm going to be honest about something, a flaw I suppose, so don't slam me for this. I have a confession. I attempt to buy Mateo's happiness. Before you get all soap-boxy in my comments, let me explain. Number one: I grew up poor. My mom had to say "no" to a lot of things that I really wanted. I may be making up for that. I see Mateo begging for something at the store and the little me inside is begging too. Number two: I sometimes feel so bad that life is hard for Mateo that buying him that one toy to make him happy doesn't seem like such a big deal. Yes, I know the feeling is only temporary! And I know that it's superficial! And I know he should find his happiness in God, or himself, or his family, or whatever! But I feel so helpless sometimes because I don't know how to help him. I can't fix his hurts. I just want him to have some happy, joyful memories of his childhood. This is one thing I know how to do to bring a smile to his face. Is that so wrong? (If you answered "yes", don't tell me)

So, that is why we accumulate so much junk around here. But, on a positive note, after the cheap thrill of a new toy is over, I take it away and donate it. So, children out there somewhere are benefiting from my weakness.

Twilight

2010-02-23T09:00:00.000-05:00

Ha! Got you to read this didn't I? Okay, I'm not really writing about Twilight. I think I covered my obsession thoroughly in this post. But have you read her other book? The Host. I finished it a couple weeks ago and loved it! It's kind of like X-files meets Sybil meets Love Actually. I didn't know if anything Stephanie Meyers wrote would live up to Twilight, but it was different enough that I could like it too. And actually, I think it would make a great movie, which is good cause they are making into one. So...if you love Stephanie Meyers, and want a quick fun read, check out The Host.

Calling All Parents of Biracial Kids!

2010-02-21T11:24:00.003-05:00

I need hair help!!!!

Maya's hair is still really dry and frizzy in the back. I think I need a leave-in conditioner. Her hair is not as kinky and tight as AA hair so I think a product meant for that type of hair will be too heavy. So I need something in between. Any suggestions?

Daddy's Boy

2010-02-18T20:50:00.004-05:00

I was looking through my camera card and realized I have so many cute pictures I haven't done anything with. So my next few posts will be mostly pics. To start us off I have some favorites of Mateo and Dave. Mateo is such a daddy's boy. When Dave is around, all Mateo wants is to be with him. In fact, when Dave isn't around, all he wants is daddy. It's very cute (when it's not annoying). And since I grew up without a dad, I have always LOVED child and father photos. Especially baby girls and dads. But since I can't post of Maya yet, you'll just have to wait.

And this photo is one that Mateo took of Dave. Good huh? Future photographer maybe?

Won't You Be My Valentine?

2010-02-17T09:43:00.005-05:00

We're a little late for a Valentines Day post, I know. But I liked the pictures of Mateo so I'm posting anyway. We had a really great V-day actually. My friends were here from Indy to help us do some projects around the new house. Check out my house blog later tonight for more details (wait till later though cause I haven't actually written the new post yet). I got the kids little Valentine bags of goodies. Unfortunately, they were both more interested in my husband's pipe insulation. Oh well. I tried to be a fun mom. Daddy gets all the glory again and he doesn't even have to try.

The coolest part was our double date!!! Man, I haven't been on a double date in...well...I don't even remember the last time. My mom watched the kids and Dave and I went out to a nice restaurant with the aforementioned friends from Indy. The food was great, the company was....eh...so so. Okay, kidding. It was a lot of fun. Here are some pictures of Mateo hamming it up as usual.

Notice the T-shirt. It's Pebbles and Bam-bam. Who misses The Flintstones? They just don't make kid shows like they used to. Yabba Dabba doo!!!

"Really mom, I need a haircut. This mop of hair just isn't doing it for me. Chicks may not be digging me much longer if you don't control this thing"

Hands full of Hershey Kisses

Happy Belated Commercialized Westernized Made-Up-Holiday-For-Your-Husband-To-Screw-Up-Again!!!

Feeleez!

2010-02-04T19:26:00.005-05:00

So, I saw this product on someone else's blog and just had to get it. They are little cards you can play games with, like memory. Anything that might work to help Mateo express his emotions that doesn't involve throwing things, calling names, spitting, or hitting, I am buying it! I just got them in the mail yesterday. They are adorable. And fun.

BUT...because I'm me. I just can't resist making fun of a few of them. So, here are some of my favorite "feeleez".

There's-gum-in-my-hair-and-I-don't-know-what-to-do-so-

I'll-just-make-a-silly-face face

I-ate-too-many-gummy-worms-and-now-I'm-gonna-hurl face
(OR...my-mom-made-me-wear-this-awful-sweater-and-I'm-gonna-hurl face)

I'm-going-through-Dora-withdrawl-so-just-hand-over-the-remote-and
no-one-will-get-hurt face

Macaulay Culkin-esque-Home-Alone face

It-was-this-big!-I-swear! face

Loading-my-finger-gun-and-gonna-bust-a-cap-in-that-kid's-face face

I-gotta-pee-I-gotta-pee-I-gotta-pee-oops-too-late face

I-just-won-the-lottery-in-my-bathing-suit-and-I must-be-on-uppers-cause-I'm-smiling

even-though-I-have-no-fingers face

This is Mateo's favorite. Seriously, he's obsessed with it. He says it's a mad face. I'm thinking maybe more constipated but I guess these are objective. But maybe his obsession is indicative of the way he feels most of the time. I guess if I felt like I was constipated all the time I would be pretty mean and irritable too. Hmm...explains a lot doesn't it?

Anyway, see how fun these are? You can try it too. Just leave a comment with a caption for one of the photos and number them starting at the top. Then I'll post the best ones. Try it. It's fun!

My New Blog!

2010-02-04T13:49:00.003-05:00

Here's our new blog about renovating the house we just bought. Check it out and follow our journey towards making this giant old house, our new home.

Renovating the Hayden House

Conversations with J-momma and Hubby

2010-02-02T13:55:00.003-05:00

This is sort of a continuation of my Odd Conversations posts I've been doing. Except this isn't odd, just an example of my husband's funny-ness. Is that a word? I think it's a word.

We just closed on our new house (yay!). Which, by the way, we're remodeling and I'm going to start another (yes another) blog about it. For any of you DIY-ers out there, you might want to tune in. Anyway, when we went to the house after closing and started planning out what was what, we noticed that some "brilliant" person put the washer/dryer hook ups in the room with the smallest door way. So, the washer and dryer don't fit through. Actually, the door way is probably half the size of a regular door way, so they're not even close to fitting through. So, here was our conversation about how to solve this problem

Me: Will they fit through the window?

Dave: No.

Me: Could we take the washer and dryer apart then rebuild them in the room?

Dave: No.

Me: I know. How about we cut a hole in the wall, slide them through, then just stick the wall piece back in place and paint over it? You know, like they used to do in old cartoons with a saw on the floor?

Dave: What?

Me: Oh! We can have the manufacturer build the washer and dryer INTO the room!

Dave: Oh sure. And why don't we just have Harry Potter come over and cast a spell on them so they'll fit through the door!

Anyone have his number?

I See Your Naked Body!

2010-02-01T18:35:00.003-05:00

This (meaning the blog post title) is what Mateo yelled all around the mall today. Which is funny to a three year old. A three year old who is very curious about bodies, nakedness, and potty language. Three year olds are also known for NOT stopping when you tell them to. If fact, this particular three year old tends to say inappropriate things longer and louder when you tell him not to. So, in combination, this can be quite embarrassing. And now everyone in the mall thinks my son would like to see their naked bodies.

Curly-Q!

2010-01-24T15:41:00.005-05:00

Maya's hair has been getting longer...(yay!)....but also a little kinkier (is that a word?). And while kinky is cute, it's also a little dry, tangled, and frizzy. So I asked my brother's girlfriend (whose a hair dresser) if she has any products that work for Maya's type of hair. She brought me this.

It's awesome!

Now check out my girl's cutie curls. I love 'em!

Does it Ever End?

2010-01-20T08:14:00.005-05:00

So Maya is out of the hospital and feeling much better....but now Mateo is sick with fever and a bad cough. Anytime Mateo gets sick it goes to his lungs. It's because of his asthma. So we started his sick plan with the nebulizer every few hours. I guess that's just how it goes. One gets better, the other gets sick. I'll bet right when Mateo is feeling better, Maya will catch whatever he has. Does it ever end?

Anyway, back to our hospital stay. I guess it wasn't too bad. But I have a few complaints. Maya was very scared and confused and cranky. She's 10 months so she understands something weird is going on, but doesn't understand what. She was also very overtired. The day we were admitted, I brought her to the pediatrician in the morning because I was concerned her leg wasn't really improving that much since starting the anti-biotics a week ago. I was worried about it forming an abscess, which would require surgery to fix. When the doctor saw her, he couldn't tell if there was an abscess but he suspected it. So he called the surgical clinic at our local children's hospital to get her seen that day. They said they could see us if we made it there before noon. It was 11:30 and it takes 40 minutes to get there. The pediatrician told me to try to get there in time but don't get a speeding ticket. So I rushed, baby in tow, on the phone getting the right papers from DCF to have her treated and arranging pick-up for Mateo at preschool. I told Dave to get his butt to the hospital because if they had to drain the leg, I would freak out.

So we saw the surgeon (at, like 1pm, not before noon mind you) and he said he wanted to open it up to drain it then have her admitted for anti-biotics through an IV. Thankfully Dave was there by then dealt with the draining part. He didn't put her under anesthesia for that. Just used a numbing cream and made a small incision. It drained very well but Maya wasn't happy. I don't think it hurt, I think she was just scared and didn't like being held down.

We got her into a room in impatient. It's a very nice hospital and very child friendly, but she was on quarantine because she technically had an infectious disease. So that meant she couldn't leave the room. She was also tethered to an IV post which was plugged into the wall so she had about a 3 foot radius around her crib to move. Try telling a 10 month old in the peak exploratory stage not to move around too much. It was very difficult for her. She wasn't actively sick. She had her normal energy and personality (maybe a little more cranky from her schedule being messed up) so she just wanted to play. I felt so bad for her to be stuck in the one room for 3 whole days. It was making me crazy and I had breaks. But she's a trooper and did a great job!

Because her schedule was off and she was in a scary unfamiliar environment, it was very hard to get her to sleep. But when we did, every single time, that was when the nurse just HAD to do something to her. Check her blood pressure, do a lab test, look at the leg, whatever. They HAD to do it every time she had just fallen asleep. I could have killed them! I asked them to come back in a hour, or half hour at least, but every time it was a very urgent matter that had to be done right that second. Really? Blood pressure? It was extremely annoying.

But most of the nurses were very nice and caring people. There was one who was maybe not so nice but maybe she was just having a bad day. But I'm thankful we're out of there, as was Maya. She was so happy to be untethered to the wall. When I brought her out of the room she had the biggest smile on her face. And she was just as happy to be outside in the fresh air. And she's right back to normal now, crawling around, learning some words and signs, pulling to stand, and she'll be walking any week now.

Thanks for all your prayers, thoughts, and concerns. I was worried there for a while but we're okay now. I just hope we don't have to do it again any time soon. Oh wait! Scratch that. I already know we have to do it again soon. Mateo is going in for surgery in a few weeks. Crap! He's getting his tonsils out, ear tubes in, and possibly adenoids out again. Because of his cleft it makes things more complicated and he may need to stay overnight. We stayed over with his last surgery. It was easier in some ways because he could leave the room but harder in some ways because he could leave the room. You know what I mean right? Anyway, I should probably attend to my son now who is screaming in the other room.

We're Home

2010-01-17T19:21:00.001-05:00

Quick update so no one worries. We're home from the hospital. We got home last night. I'll write a post later about our crazy hospital stay. Does anyone else really hate hospitals?

Please Pray for Maya

2010-01-14T14:31:00.004-05:00

Please pray or send positive vibes, or whatever it is you do, for Maya. We're in the hospital because Maya's MRSA infection got worse. It isn't life threatening but she does need anti-biotics through an IV. We don't know how long we'll be here yet but at least over night, possibly a few days or more. I really really don't want to stay the weekend. So please pray if you can. Thank you. I'll update when we make it home.

Par-tay!!!

2010-01-13T14:14:00.007-05:00

Maya's first birthday is coming up very quickly. So here are some of my early plans for the party. We did a big adoption/birthday party for Mateo so I feel it's only fair to do one for Maya. As you can see, we're going with a ladybug theme (or lovebug as I like to call it).

The Decorations:

The Outfit:

Come on...say it with me now....awww....how adorable is this?

The Cake:

Something like this but probably without the giant ladybug on top. Professional cakes are expensive! But I don't want to have to make one.

The Favors:

These cookies might be green and pink instead to match everything else. I'll put them in a bag with a ribbon and our guests can take them home. I think I can handle making these.

And last, but not least....

most importantly....

The shoes!:

See? Told you I had some cute stuff!

Oh, by the way....just wait till you see her adoption video!

MRSA

2010-01-11T11:20:00.003-05:00

Yikes! The dreaded MRSA infection. Yes, Maya had (or has I guess) MRSA. I know it makes everyone shudder, but she's going to be just fine. At least that's what the doctor assured me. Actually, she's doing much much better already. I have no idea how or where she got it from. It started out last week as a little pimple on the back of her thigh. We applied neosporin for a couple days then, all of the sudden, it ballooned and got really red and hot. This was on Thursday. I picked her up from daycare and she felt really warm and feverish, even though she was acting okay. That night she was very tired and clearly didn't feel well, and she was running a fever of about 101.4. Not too bad, but combined with the leg inflammation, I was a little concerned. The next morning she was throwing up, her leg was really bad, she could barely move it and was in a lot of pain. She still had a fever despite all the tylenol and ibuprofen. That's when I freaked out.

Thank God Dave is so good in a crisis. He stayed calm and we called the doctor to see if we could get in right away. We considered the ER but figured we would get in quicker at our own pediatrician. I was in tears as Maya screamed in pain while we changed her diaper and attempted to hold her without putting pressure on her leg. Mateo was so upset by all of this. He would beat up Dave every time Maya cried because he thought he was hurting her. It was kind of cute although a little annoying. He's very protective.

I knew I couldn't handle being at the doctor so Dave took her. The pediatrician took a culture and gave us two anti-biotics with clear instructions. He wasn't sure which one would work or if it would work. He said that if she couldn't keep the anti-biotics down we had to admit her to the hospital. Also if her fever got worse or if we saw any streaking towards the lymph nodes. We kept a close eye but luckily, none of those things happened and she kept the anti-biotics down. She was very sick all day Friday and most of Saturday. Poor baby couldn't sit down, we had to hold her carefully all day. My arm is still sore.

By Saturday night she was much more comfortable. This is gross but the spot on her leg drained some during the day. That helped her feel better. Her fever was down and she was more herself. She still had a lot of swelling and redness in her leg but it seemed like the medicine was working.

This morning we went to get it checked at the pediatrican again. I was a little worried because it's still very red and hot. She's been throwing up formula but keeping down the pedialite. The swelling in her leg is still pretty big, but getting smaller. I thought the doctor would have to drain it but he didn't. He said the culture came back as MRSA, but one of the anti-biotics she's been taking usually works for that. He's satisfied with her progress and thinks she'll be fine. We're watching for an abscess, which could happen, but the doctor thinks most likely it won't.

Maya should be healed within a few more days. And hopefully she'll start keeping down her formula too. But she's acting more herself today. She's crawling around and playing. She's starting to stand up again and can sit more comfortably. I'm happy this infection didn't go the other way, with her in the hospital and an IV and risk for more infection. We were lucky we caught it in enough time to keep her home.

Thanks for the thoughts and prayers.

Staph Infection

2010-01-09T09:18:00.003-05:00

Maya has a staph infection. It was really bad but it's getting better. I'm taking a short hiatus until she's all the way better. I'll be back soon.

Unschooling

2010-01-03T17:15:00.008-05:00

What is Unschooling:

Unschooling is a type of homeschooling but without the curriculum and formal teaching schedule. It's very radical but I think it will work for our family. I'll explain why below. So what is Unschooling? It's completely child-led, parent-guided, and focused on what the child is interested in. It's all day, everyday, life-long learning adventures in the community, at home, and outside in nature. It involves running around outside, exploring nature, observing bugs, cooking meals, playing computer games, taking interesting classes in the community, jumping on trampolines, spending entire days at the beach, and learning as we live and explore. The philosophy is based on the fact that children are naturally curious about the world and want to learn. And that by following their interests and their lead, we, as a family, will learn far more than in school where it's forced and unnatural.

It's different from traditional homeschooling because there's no curriculum, no worksheets, no scheduled "school" time, and no tests. It's life. It's making the most of every moment, every interest, every curiosity, and learning more about the world together as a family. We've done some of this type of teaching and noticed Mateo responds really really well to it. Here's why.

***We're using the unschooling method of educating our children, not parenting. Most unschoolers extend this style into their parenting allowing their child to go to bed when they want and eat when and what they want as well. They believe children know what's best for themselves and parents don't. This is where I draw the line. Mateo needs to go to bed at a reasonable time if nothing more than for my sanity :)

Why we're doing it:

Basically, it comes down to the fact that I think I can teach my kids better than an over-worked, under-paid teacher of 20 other students can. I'm not anti-school and I probably wouldn't do this if I had any other child than I do. Actually, I've never been a fan of homeschooling. My experience of homeschooling has always been religious fanatics that are scared their children will be infiltrated by demons in the public school system. Their children are socially stunted because they've only ever been around other people like them, while the real world isn't like that, and kids need to know how to socialize with lots of types of people. So it's almost laughable that I would ever even consider homeschooling. Actually, even saying the word makes me throw up a little in my mouth. So I never in a million years thought I would actually homeschool my kids. But, since having Mateo in our lives, every single aspect of parenting, kids, and life has been challenged and redefined. So it really should be no surprise to me that my educational choices would be unconventional too. It goes right along with the rest of my parenting!

The idea started when I began thinking about future-Mateo. Future Mateo in school. School as an institution, public, private, good town, bad town, is about sitting relatively still for hours at a time at a desk with at least 15 other kids in the classroom listening to the teacher or doing worksheets. I just can not foresee Mateo being able to learn that way. I was barely able to learn that way and I don't have nearly as many learning problems as Mateo does. I know we're still a couple years off. And I don't know how kindergarten works nowadays, but I do know my son. A year and a half ago I knew there was something "off" in his brain chemistry. And I was right. Now I know that he will not succeed in a traditional school setting. He may survive, he may get by, but will he learn? Or will he slip through the cracks? Or maybe he'll be so disruptive he won't be able to stay in regular school. And there's no way I'll agree to send him to a therapeutic school. I've worked in two of them and I know there's a time and a place for this type of setting, but not for my kid! And I'll just leave it at that.

So, knowing Mateo as I do, and knowing that he's spent his whole time with us developing at HIS own pace, not able to be force-fed knowledge or skills at any time, has helped solidify my decision. Walking, talking, potty training (still waiting for that one!) has all been in his own timing. Actually, when we've tried to teach him something against his will, or pushed a skill when he wasn't ready, he bucked the system and resisted more! And his timeline does not match up with most kids in the school system. And you know what? I'm finally okay with that. If I pull him out of school, it doesn't really matter if he knows his colors right now or not. Maybe one day we'll pick up a prism at the science store and he'll be interested enough to learn about colors. Maybe not. Maybe he doesn't really care about colors for the next two years. Doesn't matter. He'll learn them eventually, and it won't be forced so it will probably happen faster and he'll retain the information longer. At least that's the theory.

How it will work:

Well, I suppose we'll find that out as we go. Even though preschool is really all about playing, it's not super-structured like grade school, and he seems to have fun, I'm going to start when we move in April. Mostly because we need a trial time and doing it during preschool seems pretty low-risk. In our new house, we'll have a big room devoted just for playing and learning. I'm already plotting out what I want the room to be like, and what materials I want to have available. I think what we'll do is provide the materials for learning and exploring and encourage him when he's ready to do it. And we'll learn and grow together being keyed-in to his interests. For instance; trains. He is really into trains right now (what 3 year old little boy isn't?) So, here are all the things we can do having to do with trains. We can visit a train, read about trains, play with trains, take apart a toy electric train, ride a train, visit the train museum, walk along train tracks, pretend to be a conductor, write a story about trains, build a model train, study a map of where trains travel, and watch movies about trains. We'll be learning about schedules and time, about ticket pricing and money, about types of trains, how trains run, mechanics, engineering, geography, computer skills, and practicing reading and writing. If he's tired of trains before we finish, no big deal, we can learn the same skills in a variety of ways.

Now don't worry. I'm not going into this blindly. I've looked up the statistics on success rate of homeschoolers and unschoolers in college and work life, and for the most part they are either similar to public schooled kids or more successful. I still have to work part-time, so some of our learning will happen on the weekends, which will be awesome because Dave can be involved and teach him things that I can't. Mateo has learned how to screw and unscrew, hammer a nail, and he already knows the difference between a screw, a bolt, a nut, and a bit. We didn't even teach him that! So he doesn't know his colors, BUT he knows how change the batteries in all his toys.

I truly believe unschooling will work for our family. I can adapt to Mateo's needs at the time; whether he needs a sensory break, calming time reading a book, an mid-day nap, or some physical activity outside. I can give him what school can't. I think. We'll find out and I'll keep you posted as I go. If you have any suggestions or comments, feel free as always!

Mateo screwing the bottom for our lazy-susan into our cabinet

Things to Look Forward to in 2010

2010-01-03T07:54:00.005-05:00

Number one: Hello? Moving! We are squeezed in our shoe-box so tightly I just can't wait for all the extra space. I can't wait until I can tell Mateo when he's super hyper to get his push car and do laps through the house to burn off some energy. I think we're just all on top of each other here and we get so aggravated about it. We probably won't move until April because we bought a fixer-upper. We have lots of renovations before we can live there. BUT I CAN NOT WAIT TO MOVE TO OUR NEW HOUSE!!! Do you get the point?

Second, adopting our little one! We already know she's ours but it would be nice for it to be legal. We have TPR (termination of parental rights) and we're just waiting for the social worker to do the paper work, get it approved by DCF, then get a date in court. I'm crossing my fingers for it to happen before her 1st birthday, which is March 3rd, but....I'm prepared if it doesn't work out.

Either way, I'm also looking forward to Maya's 1st birthday, in a bittersweet way. I'm happy she's with us to reach this first milestone. We missed Mateo's first birthday. But I'm sad to lose the baby-ness. Most likely, we won't adopt any more kids. We may foster here and there, but we're not planning on any more babies. So she's it. And I'm planning a big celebration, birthday combined with adoption. I'll share the details on another post because I'm picking out some really cute stuff!

Another thing I'm looking forward to is something that will take it's own post to explain. We've decided to try a new technique of schooling for Mateo in place of traditional preschool. It's called "unschooling" (with some modifications). And I'll explain more in my next post, that I can hopefully write out later today because i know people will be curious.

For now, here's to 2010! May it bring joy and blessings to you and your families!

I leave you with some pictures from our New Years Eve Party with some friends and family.

Dave playing my brother's video games, which he never gets to do.

Nana playing with Maya.

Maya and her best buddy Tanner (my friend's baby). Notice how she is stealing his toy.

Matching Elmo slippers. Mateo thought this was just the coolest thing. For five minutes. Unfortunately, they don't stay on either of their feet very well.

2009 Favorites

2009-12-31T13:25:00.005-05:00

I'm not gonna lie. This past year has been a bit rough in places. But it's also the year we brought a new member into our family, who I can't imagine not having in our lives. So, in honor of the new year, here's a look back at some of my favorite moments of 2009.

1. January 15-22 2009. Vacation to Disney World!!! Mateo, Dave, and I traveled by airplane (first time for Mateo) to Orlando for a one week vacation to Disney with our best friends, Devan and Scott. We stayed all together in a rented condo. We visited all 4 parks plus Sea World. My favorite part of the trip was watching Mateo show his new Disney bus to all the characters and giving Mickey Mouse a hug. I almost started crying. It was like a commercial. I'm just so thankful we are in a position to give these moments to our children. I grew up poor so it makes me proud to be able to provide wonderful things for my kids.

2. April 8th, 2009. Picking up our baby daughter, Maya. I remember the chills and excitement when we found out she was being discharged from the hospital and we could pick her up. I also remember the anger and frustration to get to that point. But it was all worth it in the end. Maya was more beautiful than I could ever imagine. The moment she looked at me, I was hooked. I would not give her up. We had an unbreakable bond already. And thankfully, her bio-mom agreed to terminate her rights so we could adopt Maya without a fight.

3. December 2009. Buying a new house! Actually, we are still in this process and probably won't be moving until March. It's a huge house. I mean huge. But it's old and need a lot of renovating. So, we have some projects. Which should be interesting in our current life situation. But we're a tough family and I think we can handle it. I'm just excited for more space! We are literally going from 850 sq.ft. to 4,000 sq.ft.

Tomorrow I'm going to post things I'm most looking forward to in 2010.

Have a happy and safe New Years Eve!

Christmas Highlights 2009

2009-12-27T18:28:00.009-05:00

Best Gifts 2009:

Geo-trax train set

New Moon Calendar

Pink bus with sounds

Umm...I think you can see for yourself

This Raggety-Anne doll was hand-made for Maya by Dave's mom. So sweet.

Best Holiday Moments 2009:

The calm before the storm. Maya has her evening bottle before bed with Daddy snuggled up next to the lighted tree. A beautiful moment I wish I could pause for longer.

This is not Christmas, it's Thanksgiving, but I could have taken the same picture at Christmas. Every single holiday event my husband falls asleep on a couch.

Luca, our dog, enjoys the wrapping paper just as much as the kids.

Hanging out with my brother Jay. He's just fun.

Watching the kids "help" decorate and wrap. (That's Maya's head peeking out)

Teaching Mateo the value of giving as well as receiving with gratitude.
(P.S. he did a great job!)

Favorite Holiday Shots 2009:

Like father, like son.

Christmas train

Maya's first Christmas! We're so blessed to have her!
Truly a reason to be thankful this year.

Well, that about sums up our holiday. Happy New Year!

P.S. My mom gets major props for some cute outfits she got for Maya. But unfortunately the pictures I have of her in them show too much of her face so I'll have to post them on the hangers when I get a chance.

Happy Holidays!

2009-12-23T13:21:00.002-05:00

I hope everyone has a very happy holiday and enjoy the time spent with family and friends!

From,
The J-momma Family
Justice, Dave, Mateo, Maya, and Luca (the dog)

Snow Day!

2009-12-21T19:14:00.004-05:00

I'm in the northeast so we got our first big storm this weekend. Here are some pictures of my snow-loving boy. If I didn't dislike the cold so much I would move to Alaska because Mateo never wears a coat, doesn't seem to get cold, and loves the snow. Hmm...maybe he's part Eskimo?

The snow gear is all hand-me-down so it's rather large. I think he looks hysterical.

So....the pink glove. Dave would like me to tell you he normally prefers not to wear bright pink girlie gloves but since I "misplaced" his manly black gloves (so he says) he didn't have a choice. Now, I would like to just clear this up right now, I am not in charge of his gloves. I am not his mother. I only have two children. Maybe someone should grow-up and start keeping track of his own gloves. Or maybe just man-up and rock the pink gloves like they're going out of style (which they are right? I've heard purple is the new pink).

***The gloves were found later that day***

Hey! Jesus Wasn't White!

2009-12-15T12:40:00.004-05:00

It's so surprising to me (although I suppose it shouldn't be at this point) how many nativity scenes, books, art, everything! features a white Jesus. People know he was born in the middle east right? The Bible does talk a lot about deserts, sun, and sand. People who live in the desert generally don't look like the pearly-white-skin-american-looking Bible characters that are marketed to us from a young age.

Just recently I saw a nativity scene where all of the characters are white except for the three wise men. What the heck? Did I miss something here? Does it say in the Bible that Mary, Joseph, and Jesus sport Eastern European features and pasty white skin despite being from the middle east, and the three wise men are the only ones who actually looked like they're supposed to be where they're from? I think there's come kind of conspiracy going on here.

Oh, by the way, thanks to Janiece and Rachel for the blog title!

Having a Very Merry (and Ethnic) Christmas

2009-12-14T07:30:00.001-05:00

My trans-racial adoptive families tune in. It IS possible to find ethnically diverse Christmas decor for your house. It's taken me some time but here are a few great finds.

African-american angel from Hallmark

The picture is bad but it's a hispanic angel I got at a local craft fair

This tree topper I think could be African-american or Hispanic, which suits us fine since my
kids are both

This African-american Santa I found at one of those tupper-ware type parties where you feel obligated to buy something because you know your friend only had the party to earn money to get free goods from the distributor and they went through all the trouble of making hors d'oeuvres and dessert but what you really wish is that they made Margaritas and Mojitos. On a sidenote: hors d'oeuvres is a b**** of a word to spell.

This is a Peruvian nativity in a gord. I got this and the Nigerian ornament below at a local craft fair but the vendor was Ten Thousand Villages, which is a fair trade company.

Do you have any good ethnically diverse holiday theme decorations?

We Need a Little Christmas...NOW!

2009-12-12T16:28:00.003-05:00

FINALLY, we've acknowledged Christmas in this house. We got our tree up today. Usually I go all out decorating the house but since we're trying to sell it, I decided not to do any decorations this year other than the tree. Besides, it's less to baby proof.

It seems like every single year is the same exact story on the day we get our tree. Dave is cranky and miserable. He hates all the fuss about Christmas. Plus, he's the one who has to tie the tree to the car, saw it, bring it inside, and set it in the stand. Why? Because I have sensory issues. Yes, it's true. I HATE the feel of the little needles touching my skin. It's like nails on a chalkboard to me. I refuse to touch it except to hang the ornaments, which I do very delicately. So Dave always starts the day grumpy. Then we argue over where to get the tree, the price of the tree, and the size of the tree. Once we get it into the house, we then argue over whose ornaments go where. Because, of course, I have beloved ornaments from my childhood, and he has beloved ornaments from his childhood. So we argue over which ones go in the front of the tree. Usually I win since mine are in better condition than his.

Lately we've acquired a lot more ornaments since being married and those are taking up most of the good spots. So, here's a picture of our tree this year.

We're minimalists with our tree decor. Every year we do gold beads and white lights, then accentuate with more personal ornaments. As you may well know, I'm no Martha Stewart. So no fancy tree themes, ribbons, tinsel, or fake snow.

Also....

This is our third Christmas with Mateo.
(click to make larger)
Is it just me or does he seem to get happier each year?

Do you love his shirt? It says "is it too late to be good?"

Oh, speaking of being good, every time I ask Mateo if Santa thinks he's been good this year he tells me no, he's been bad. Ha ha! Well, at least he's not a liar. But I think he's been good enough for Santa to bring him a remote control car. Shhh....don't tell Mateo.

High Heels for Preschoolers: Yay or Nay?

2009-12-08T11:31:00.004-05:00

This photo was recently published in some celebrity magazine. I am not one to read celebrity gossip but I do like looking at photos of their children because they're cute and I like watching them grow up. This photo specifically drew a lot of criticism. Suri Cruise is close to the same age as Mateo, three and a half. And here she is wearing high heeled shoes, and it's not been the only time. Katie Holmes defended herself by saying they are ballroom dancing shoes for kids and that Suri likes dressing up like her mom. Before the baby was born, we didn't have to think about this kind of thing. But now I find myself wondering....what would I do if Maya asked to wear high heels at three years old?

What do you think? Is this just innocent dress-up or perpetuating an unhealthy trend of kids growing up too quickly? Let me know how you feel about it and if you'd let your daughter wear high heels before age 10.

Poor Maya; Left in the Dust

2009-11-29T07:41:00.007-05:00

I realized I NEVER talk about the baby on this blog. It's always about Mateo and then I put monthly updates on our private blog about Maya. Well, today is a public update about the littlest munchkin.

She is crawling! For one. And she looks so cute doing it. Because she's so tiny for her age, she looks like she shouldn't be able to crawl. She just started crawling this past week, so she's still pretty new at it. She looks just like one of those electronic robot puppies that walks, barks, then does a flip (except without the barking and flipping part, although I've been trying to teach her). It's the funniest thing. She also gets very excited when she's crawling cause, you know, she just thinks it's the coolest thing in the world. So she pants and laughs while she's jetting across the floor.

But with crawling comes lots of limits. Usually she makes a beeline right for the dog's food and water bowls. She also likes to find the smallest most miniscule little things on the floor and examine them (and then usually taste them). She's such a happy girl, most of the time. She is friendly and has a great personality. Some of my favorite "Maya things" include:

- the way she holds her mouth in a wide open grin almost all the time.

- when she gets excited sitting on the floor and rocks back and forth like she's propelling herself somewhere.

- her dolphin squeals.

- the way she talks to herself in the crib or car.

- that she loves food as much as I do, maybe even a little more.

Hopefully we'll be able to post pictures soon because she'll be adopted! It's taking a long time but I'm really hoping she's adopted by her first birthday in 3 months.

Here's a picture from Thanksgiving that doesn't show her face so I can post it.

Thankful

2009-11-26T19:23:00.005-05:00

What I'm thankful for, 2009:

* A husband who makes sacrifices every day for his family

* A family that supports most of what I do, and if they don't, they tell me so, loudly and passionately.

* A kid that challenges me to be a better person.

* Two kids that show me they love me every day.

* The Twilight Series (are you with me here ladies?)

* Chocolate

What are you thankful for?

You Guys Are No Fun!

2009-11-05T08:01:00.006-05:00

Nobody had anything critical to say on my last blog post! What's up with that people? Is anyone even reading this or are you all too cool? Or maybe I'm just not as controversial as I think I am. But really, thanks for all the support. You really are too nice. Today I'm just sharing some fall and Halloween pics.

Oh, and I was on the radio yesterday morning talking about adoption for National Adoption Awareness Month, which if you didn't know, is November. So, if you want to check it out, here's the link. It won't connect directly to the interview but if you click "past guests" on the right, I should come up. But don't make fun of my dorkiness. It took me a little while to get into a flow. I was a bit stutter-y in the beginning. It's a bit long, just so you know if you are going to listen to it. Most of the interview is with a DCF representative and then I jump in here and there.

I just like this shirt

Pumpkin picking

Drinking our "swamp juice"

Mateo was a "bad guy" for Halloween. He's pretty obsessed with bad guys.
I wish he'd associate more with the good guys though.

This was at his preschool costume parade. I did end up sending him as a skeleton and was glad to see I wasn't the only one to use a Halloween costume. There were witches and dinosaurs and monsters and lots of costumes. So we fit right in.

I just love this picture. The look on Luca's face is priceless. And this is truly a picture of the relationship they have. Mateo loves her to death. And she tolerates him. Ha!

Blogging T-shirts!!!

2009-10-25T21:05:00.004-04:00

Hey, check out my blogging merchandise on cafepress.com. There are two sayings and for some reason you can't really connect from one to the other. So click on both if you want to see them both.

"My mom is blogging my life"
http://www.cafepress.com/Jmommas

"Blog this mom!"
http://www.cafepress.com/JLRs

I have a few more ideas for blogging shirts, so there will be more to come. I'm also going to add the above two for dads. If you have other funny ideas for T-shirts, let me know so I can profit from them. Hey, if you're not doing anything with the ideas, someone might as well make some money. Just consider it a donation to the "buy us a bigger house" fund since we're literally busting out of our 850 sq.ft. home. Thanks.

Beauty Pageant Take 2

2009-10-25T08:20:00.002-04:00

sOkay, I don't want to obsess on the shameful exploiting of these little girls on national television, but I have to quote one more crazy pageant mom here, just because it really is THAT bad.

Said reeking with sarcasm and anger, "Great! She just lost cause she was having fun." Because her daughter did a fun dance move on stage when she wasn't supposed to.

This is the same mom who forced her daughter to go horse-back riding because she thought it would calm her nerves as the girl is screaming on the top of her lungs and can't control the horse. This is also the mom who made her eight year old go on an all fruit diet a week before the pageant.

Look, I wouldn't nominate myself for the ethical parent of the year award or anything. But, geez, even I think this is shameful. How much you wanna bet more than half of these girls will be pregnant by 15?

Why Does One Mom Always Have to Ruin it for the Rest of Us!

2009-10-19T18:52:00.006-04:00

Since one or two over-involved moms (or maybe dads) made a big deal about children celebrating Halloween in our public school system, it is banned. The kids can not dress up in costumes on (or this year, the day before) Halloween in any schools, including Mateo's preschool. So, the school tried to get around this by instead having a storybook character parade where the kids can dress up as their favorite storybook character and bring the book in to class. Well, to me, this means having to buy two costumes, since he already picked out a lovely over priced skeleton costume. So Dave and I naturally, being the slacker parents we are, tried to figure out a way around this.

First, I combed the book store for a book about skeletons. No luck. Dave wanted me to order one online just for the socio-political statement it makes but that's just as much work as buying or making a new one. So it cancels itself out. You're following my logic here, right?

So, we brainstormed at dinner tonight. Since Mateo doesn't really have a favorite book, we're a blank slate. Here were some of our best ideas. Okay, maybe "best" is the wrong word. Here are some of our...ideas.

* the Bible - Draw on a beard and dress him in robes and bare feet. (Jesus)

* "Hope" (the Obama book) - dress him in a blue suit with a red tie and a "change" pin. (Obama)

Those were the more expensive ones. Here are the free ones.

* "I'm a Big Brother" - self-explanatory.

* "Mr. Brown Can Moo Can You?" - dress him in all brown.

* Any of the millions of car books we have - use his costume from last year of a race car driver.

The only problem with all of these ideas is that there is very little chance that Mateo will actually wear any of these costumes. I don't even know if he'll wear the skeleton one on Halloween even for candy. I pretty much had to force his on him last year. If it feels like a costume and not regular clothes, he won't wear it. I want to at least attempt to send him dressed up because I don't want him to be the only one without a costume. I don't know if he would care or not, or if he would even notice. But in case he does notice, I don't want him to feel left out because of me. So....

What do you think? Any ideas for a costume that is cheap or free and doesn't feel like a costume but looks like one and that also goes along with a children's book?

Worms and Christmas Trees

2009-10-04T20:24:00.004-04:00

I know what you're thinking - how do worms and Christmas trees go together? Well, this is how.

Mateo is obsessed with worms. He can find one on a hot sunny day. I don't know how but he hunts them down and finds them. He'd make a good bird I guess. Anyway, he digs them up then tortures them for the whole time he's playing outside. He would bring them into bed with him at night if I'd let him. But the rule is that worms stay outside. So he carries them around, puts them in his cars, covers them with rocks, feeds them to the dog, gives them lobotomies, and so on. Well, he had about a hundred in a bucket one rainy day and it was time to come inside. We asked him where he would like to put his worms for the night. We have a small pine tree right next to our patio that's about the size of a Christmas tree. Mateo decided this would be a good home for the worms. So he throws them, one by one, onto the branches of the tree. Guess what the tree ended up looking like? A Christmas tree decorated with tinsel. Worm tinsel.

'Tis the season!

Mateo and his bucket of worms

Maybe you, too, have Christmas decorations in your own backyard!

Bonus photo cause it's so darn cute. And too bad I can't post pics of the baby yet cause I have one of her with these same sunglasses on! And yes, we wear our sunglasses at night.

Dave's Advice to New Fathers

2009-09-27T21:05:00.005-04:00

"Play your X-box/Playstation/Wii as much as possible until the baby is born. Then sell it and use the money to buy the best diaper contraption on the market, lots of air fresheners, and a big handful of those yellow gloves that go up to your elbows."

All Husbands Should Go to Motivational Workshops

2009-09-18T20:20:00.001-04:00

Dave went to a Motivational Conference for work this week. That evening, this is what transpired.

Dave: Honey, I just want to say thank you for all you do for me and the kids. I appreciate it and I don't know what I'd do without you.

Me: Ooookaaaay....

Later...

Dave: You are so smart and beautiful.

Me: Do you want something? Or do you have some bad news to tell me?

Dave: No, I'm just recharging you.

Me: Oh. Do you need to be recharged?

Dave: No. Seeing Mateo run to me when I got home was recharging enough.

Me: You're freaking me out. What's going on? Did you get all this from your motivational conference?

Dave: Yeah, I guess I did.

Me: Well, if that's the case, I'm sending you to one every week.

Dear Lord, Please Help My Daughter Take Home a Crown

2009-09-10T16:00:00.002-04:00

Things heard on "Toddlers and Tiaras", a TLC show about child beauty pageants:

"Sierra is very shy. Pageants will help her get over her shyness." - as mom forces her crying daughter on to the stage.

"Both my twins do pageants but Maddy wins more. I don't have favorites but Riley's nose is a little crooked and she's not as outgoing. That's why she doesn't win."

"My daughter isn't spoiled. She just gets what she wants."

"We go to pageants to win the money. You can win up to $1000 at a pageant."

Later, when asked how much she spent on pageants, "about $10,000."

"If we saved the money we spent on pageants, I would have enough to send all three of my girls to college."

"I have three boys. They all do pageants because I wanted girls."

"Dear Lord, please help my girls take home a crown today."

"I take pageants seriously because Hailey takes pageants seriously." How old is Hailey? Four.

Pageant question: What do you want to be when you grow up. "I want to marry a rich man!"

"Pageants have given Isabella confidence. Now when someone pays her a compliment she says, 'I know!'"

"My daughter gets highlights because her hair color is very average." Mom of a 6 year old.

"Tanning is no big deal. I actually prefer my daughter tanned because her natural complexion is too fair." Mom of 7 year old.

Add on top of this the skimpy clothing, WAY too much makeup and hair pieces, and the dance routines that include shaking their hips and butts, and winking and blowing kisses to the judges. Is anyone else deeply disturbed by this?

Stealing? Already?!

2009-09-06T08:01:00.004-04:00

Mateo pulled an unfamiliar toy car out of his backpack yesterday. Neither Dave nor I could recognize where it came from. So we asked Mateo.

Me: Where did you get that car?

Mateo: Preschool.

Me: Preschool? Did you take it home from preschool in your backpack?

Mateo: Yes.

Me: Well you can't do that. That doesn't belong to you, it has to stay at school. We'll bring it back on Tuesday.

Mateo: Ha, ha, tricked you!

Me: You tricked me? You mean you didn't take it from preschool?

Mateo: Yeah, preschool.

Dave: You mean you tricked the teachers at preschool to take the car?

Mateo: Yeah.

So from what I can gather from the conversation is that Mateo tricked the teachers by hiding the toy car in his backpack so that he could take it home. Great. So we've got a klepto on our hands. Maybe they need to install metal detectors. Or search Mateo everyday before he leaves the building.

What's Up With These Freakin Parenting Magazines???

2009-08-27T13:25:00.002-04:00

Every once in a while I read a Parenting magazine. Usually when I'm bored, or when Maya is looking for information on the newest fashion trends. (Side note: What is with everyone stealing my name? I'm totally pissed cause I thought Maya was at least a little bit off the radar for baby names. I mean, it's not on the top 10 list or anything. But I swear, everyone and their mother is naming their babies Maya right now. I'm so pissed. I would change my mind, since nothing's official yet, but I do so love the name.) Okay, now that I got that off my chest, I can move on.

Parenting magazines! I was browsing through one the other day, trying to make it look muy importante and dire so my husband would entertain the kids for a while, and I realized there is some pretty God-awful advice in there. For example....

In an article about how to get your picky eaters to eat healthy foods, they make some suggestions. Now we all either have had a picky eater, have a picky eater, or know a picky eater. Actually, let me rephrase that. Parents, you have a kid that eats right? Well, according to some Parents magazine editor, these are some solutions to your picky eater problem.

1. Cut up squash and zucchini with a basil pesto dip. Would your two year old say, "Oh yes, mother, could I get a carrot and flaxseed smoothie as well? I really need the antioxidants today."? Hell no! Cause they're normal. Well, I shouldn't assume anything of my readers. Some of you I know and I figure to be pretty normal. But in all seriousness, basil pesto dip? I don't even know what that is! I slather all Mateo's vegetables in butter and salt and he still doesn't eat them. But, hey, maybe a basil pesto dip is just the zest he needs.

2. Rent Ratoiutiuilleee (that's how you spell it right?) and serve homemade ratuoiltooellieee with a side of breaded tofu triangles. Okay, if you've ever had ratouioooeey, you know that it has some pretty strong, sophisticated flavors. I don't know any kid that would eat it unless they've been force fed it since birth. Perhaps if I start the baby on it now, by the time she's in preschool she'll be begging for ratootuiollelleeey with her zucchini and pesto dip.

This editor obviously doesn't have children. Or maybe her nanny does all the cooking and she doesn't know that her kids are living off of dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets and drive-thru french fries just like every other red-blooded American child.

My Little Gymnast.....Or Not.

2009-08-18T12:41:00.004-04:00

So Mateo seems to have a natural ability towards gymnastic-type moves. He can do a cartwheel and a split, which he learned on his own. And of course, he is very energetic. So I thought signing him up for a little gymnastics class would be good for him as an outlet and to harness some of his energy into something productive. So we signed up for a trial week that meets everyday this week for an hour in the morning. It was pretty cheap and I thought it would give me a good idea about his ability.

We lasted a class and a half. And now our gymnastic career is over. At least for another year or so. Who knows? This kid is so set on doing his own thing he just couldn't function in the class. I don't know if it's so much that he can't or that he won't. Yesterday was his first day and he was very enthusiastic about all the activities. The problem was that he had trouble waiting his turn and his attention span got the better of him. This is what the class sounded like.

"Mateo. Mateo, no. Come here. Over here Mateo. Mateo, come sit right here."

The whole time. More so than all the other kids combined. And the instructors said specifically they didn't want the parents to intervene because they want the children to learn to listen to the teachers. So I didn't intervene. But I couldn't help but feel like my kid was ruining their class, and probably driving them crazy. But Mateo was really great at the activities. It's hard to believe he ever had a gross motor delay. Aside from some balance issues, he was really good at everything. After the class I was excited about his potential. I also thought he would only get better as the week went on and he learned the structure of the program.

Well, today we left early. And we don't plan on going back. He didn't get better. He got significantly worse. I decided it's just not worth it if I'm going to have to chase him around the gym telling him to listen to the teacher the whole time. So we're gonna wait another year or so and try again.

But it was fun to watch him when he was doing the activities. The rest of the time was pretty funny. The whole class would be sitting on a mat getting ready for the next activity and there's Mateo about 20 feet away rolling around on the mat, or hopping around like a frog. That didn't bother me so much, it was kind of cute. But when he kept using the other equipment he wasn't supposed to, or taking another child's turn and being disruptive, that's when I had to intervene. And the fact that he wasn't listening to me or the teachers, just wasn't okay. So we left. And he didn't seem to care. He just wanted his juice box I promised him after class.

I'll post some videos I took as soon as I get a chance.

What We May Be Doing Right

2009-08-13T21:08:00.003-04:00

I don't actually credit myself with much while parenting Mateo, but one thing I'll say for myself is that we seem to have figured out one strategy that's helped. I'll tell you what it is but you have to promise not to say, "Duh!" to me, okay? Okay.

We learned to lower our expectations to start. I don't expect Mateo to do what I say, when I say it. Especially without a little resistance at first. But I find if I repeat what I want and give him a little time, he usually does it. We have to treat him a little more delicately and with a little more flexibility and sensitivity. And it really does help him, and us, not having the pressure to be "normal", but to just be who we are at the time we're in. And when I stop trying to conform to what society expects of Mateo or our family, we all do much better.

The continuation of our "schedule" is coming up next. And I have some new photos to post.

Daily Schedule My A**!

2009-08-11T11:45:00.001-04:00

I've read on a couple different blogs now, a daily schedule for the children, mostly related to homeschooling. But as I was reading, I couldn't help but laugh at the idea of it all. So I've written my own parallel schedule of my day with Mateo. I'm just mentioning Mateo in this schedule, since he's the funny one. Keep in mind, this is a bad day. He does have days that go better than this. But I thought I'd show the full realm of how bad it could be.

6:30 am - Mateo comes in Mommy's bedroom, I put him back in his. 1st attempt at wake up time.

7:00 am - 2nd attempt at wake up time.

7:24 am - 3rd attempt at wake up time. I finally give in and drag my butt out of bed.

7:25 am- Mateo demands in an increasingly loud voice that he would like breakfast ASAP. As in now!

7:27 - Mateo eats oatmeal. I try to get a bra and some deodorant on.

7:30 - Mateo demands more breakfast. Mommy says wait (still working on the bra step) and Mateo screams.

7:31 - Mommy tells Mateo he can have more breakfast when he asks nicely.

7:32 - Mateo throws his spoon across the room.

Let's just skip ahead a little...

7:55 - Breakfast is done. Noggin is on TV. Mateo is playing with cars. Mommy starts count down for Mateo to get dressed.

8:00 - Warning #1

8:05 - Warning #2

8:06 - Warning #3

8:07 - Mommy tells Mateo it's time to get dressed. Mateo runs away.

8:09 - Mommy chases Mateo then proceeds to wrestle him into his clothes using various threats and bribes.

8:30 - Play time!

8:32 - Mateo whines for juice and to eat again.

8:33- Mommy asks Mateo to wait until snack time for juice and to eat, Mateo begins explosive tantrum.

8:34 - Mommy contemplates the pros and cons of giving in to juice and a snack or holding my ground for him to wait until later. Mommy makes decision to negotiate.

8:36 - Mommy asks Mateo if he would like some water or milk now while waiting until snack time. Mateo doesn't negotiate, cue larger tantrum.

9:00 - After numerous attempts at distraction, negotiation, and calming techniques, Mateo has hit/bit/scratched/thrown toy/etc. and ended up in a time-out.

9:15 - After Mateo stops calling names, spitting, and screaming at the top of his lungs in time-out, he apologizes to Mommy and is let free.

9:17 - Mateo asks for juice and to eat. Mommy sighs, looks at the clock, and realizes it's snack time anyway.

9:20 - Snack. Mommy attempts to get dressed, brush teeth, contacts in, etc. Then discovers Mateo has fingerpainting/mashed/squished his snack on himself, the table, and the floor.

9:30 - Snack time over.

9:32 - Mommy collapses on the couch after realizing it's only 9:30 in the morning.

9:40 - We decide (meaning Mateo) to go outside and play. Commence act of putting on shoes.

10:05 - We finally go outside.

10:15 - Mateo's powerwheels truck is not charged (Mommy silently curses Daddy for that one), Mateo flips out. He calls the truck "stupid" multiple times, then flips it over upside down.

10:20 - We go inside because Mateo just can't get over it. Use TV as a distraction until we can move on.

10:45 - Mommy suggests play-dough. This goes well.

11:00 - Until Mateo wants something specific to work with the play-dough that just doesn't and he gets frustrated.

11:10 - Play-dough away with much drama.

11:30 - Lunch! Mateo eats exactly nothing, even though he states he is hungry over and over.

To be continued...

Five Years!

2009-08-07T18:45:00.001-04:00

Today my husband and I have been married 5 years. I'm proud to say we are just as in love as the day we said "I do". I'm always amazed at our ability to work as a team. I think the key to our success is our ability to compromise and balance one another. Of course there are times when we are both grumpy and act selfishly. But usually, one of is willing to sacrifice for the others sake. And usually, when one is having a rough day, the other steps up to take the lead. We truly are a great team. And I'm so thankful for him. He is the peanut butter to my jelly. The macaroni to my cheese. The ying to my yang. And I love him!

Things That Make You Say Hmm...

2009-08-05T08:59:00.003-04:00

We just got back from a mini-vacay to New Hampshire for some hiking, swimming, shopping, and train rides. And I just wanted to high light a few things that happened that just make me want to say hmm... or, more accurately, why would you do that?!

- Mateo was waiting outside while I changed Maya in the dressing room at the beach and as people walked by, he would whack them with his pool noodle. Hmm...

- While ordering pizza and waiting to collect it and pay, Mateo was walking up and down the line licking the bar that you slide your tray on. Hmm...

- When I went to fill our drinks at the fountain and stock up on napkins and utensils, Mateo emptied the entire contents of the salt and pepper shakers onto the table. Hmm...

- We were outside of the condo enjoying the nice mountain air and Mateo tried to open the door to someone else's condo and when it was locked, he knocked and yelled to open up. Hmm...

I also decided, per this trip, that Mateo may have sugar running through his veins instead of blood. My huband's friend, Terry (who lives in Hawaii and came with us since we don't see him much), tried to tire Mateo out one day. We went on a short hike, almost a mile, to a cascading waterfall where we climbed up a steep hill to swim in some of the pools (it was really cool, I'll post pictures later). Terry and Mateo ran the whole way there. Then he proceeded to climb up the hill, around on the rocks, swim in the water (somewhat because it was really cold) and then climb back down. Then Terry, thinking he would really get him this time, ran Mateo all the way back to the parking lot, one mile. Dave and I took our time walking with the baby (who was on my back) and when we got to the parking lot, there was Terry looking completely amazed, and Mateo, still running, back and forth across the trail. The whole adventure was about two hours and Mateo didn't slow down for a minute. You see? He must have sugar in there or something.

But really, Mateo was SUPER hyper this weekend. One of my theories is that perhaps because we stopped doing the therapeutic listening for the vacation, that had some effect on his ability to be calm. I don't know. Just a theory. I just hope things go back to "normal", meaning periods of extreme hyperactivity and just some hyperactivity in between, instead of extreme hyperactivity ALL DAY LONG. I just don't think I could take it anymore. Well, thank God for daycare.

Thank You!

2009-08-05T08:57:00.002-04:00

Thank you everybody who wrote kind words and encouragement when I poured my heart out about Mateo. And thank you to the lurkers who came out to say I'm not alone!

The Orphan Movie

2009-07-29T18:30:00.002-04:00

I'm sure many of you have heard of the new movie "The Orphan" by Warner Brothers. The adoption community is up in arms over this negative portrayal of orphans and adoption. While I, too, like to focus on the positive side of adoption, I understand it's just a movie and for entertainment purposes. But I like the idea one blogger had to get 500 adoptive family bloggers
to tell their "orphan" story in hopes of flooding the google search with positive stories. So I'm adding mine.

First of all, my kids are not orphans. I know their birthmom and am beginning to have somewhat of a relationship with her. But I interpreted the idea to include adoption stories as well. My son is adopted from the foster care system and my daughter is in the process of being adopted from foster care. My last post included a lot of negative feelings and struggles we're experiencing but this post is going to focus on the positive. Because despite all the frustration and pain, there are heaps and heaps of wonderful memories filled with joy. And most of all, there is love.

I'll be the first to tell you, love just isn't enough to heal, change, or "fix" our children who've suffered great loss and trauma. But it is important. Because we love our son with all our hearts, we are able to accept who he is, who he will become, and stick with him, no matter what. You canread our story from the beginning here. Part 2 is here. Stage 2 - Grieving is here. Stage 3 - Anger is here. And the last part is here.

But now I'm going to tell you my TRUE "orphan" story. Mateo and Maya are the light of our lives. From the first glimpse we saw of Mateo, we've loved him. I still remember one of the first days we had him in our lives. My mom came to visit and Mateo (15 months old at the time but really more like a baby) clung to me like a little baby monkey on his mama. His little hands grabbed onto my shirt as he hid his face in my chest. I had to fight to hold back the tears. I can say, really truly, without a doubt, that I loved that little boy just as much as someone who had just given birth to their baby in a hospital. Even though he looked very different from us, even though he came with his own history and his own personality we didn't know or understand, and even though it took him much longer to love us, we loved him because we knew he was ours. We claimed him from the moment his social worker came to our house with his file and picture. He was meant to be ours, always and forever. He's not old enough to understand adoption and his past right now. But I tell him everyday that he's my favorite boy. And if I ask him, "who's my favorite boy?" he says with great pride, "me!" He makes me laugh everyday. He makes me cry some days. But mostly, we feel like the luckiest people alive. We had to work (hard) for his love and trust, but it was worth it. Hearing his little voice from the backseat of my car everyday when I pick him up from preschool say, "mommy, wha-jew (love you)" makes it worth every drop of sweat and every tear we've shed the last two years. My orphan story has a happy ending. Because we choose to love, every day.

Maya's story is different. I grew attached to Maya the moment I knew she was born. Because she is my son's biological sister, I thought of her as mine too. When we first got the call that she had been born I couldn't wait to hold her, to kiss her, to love and nurture her just like her brother. Unfortunately, we had to wait a whole month before we could even see her or know more about her. It was torture. But the day we picked her from the hospital, when I saw her laying in the little bassinet, she was so tiny and fragile and vulnerable. She was sleeping rolled over to one side facing away from us. I rolled her over and, I swear, her face was the most beautiful I've ever seen. And that's not because I was biased, I usually think all newborns are kind of funny looking. But she was beautiful since the day she was born and I get comments everywhere I go reiterating the same thing. She is just a gorgeous girl, inside and out. And she melts my heart every day.

My son is three and my daughter is five months and I can't imagine my life without them. I can't imagine that our house would be filled with as much joy, laughter, sometimes frustration, and love if they were not here. A day doesn't go by that I'm not thankful for them, what they've taught me, and how I've grown. Big hugs and slimy kisses are the only reward I need.

Love you Bubba and Munchkin.

So if you want to participate in defending orphans, post this on your own blog so that when people search for the movie, they are flooded with positive messages about adoption and orphan care.

Just finish this sentence: "Warner Bros. new horror movie Orphan proclaims that it must be hard to love an adopted child as much as your own. Let me tell you about how an orphan changed my life..."

1. Write a "positive protest post" on your blog that references the movie, Orphan.
2. Focus on your orphan care or adoption story that is positive, redeeming, and full of love.
3. Link your post here via a trackback or comment.
4. Send out an e-mail, Facebook message, or tweet to get others to do the same on their blogs.

The Trials of Loving Mateo

2009-07-27T13:25:00.003-04:00

First of all, sorry this is long. But I had to write it. We are at the point now in our parenting journey with Mateo where we've tried every technique and strategy we've thought of, read, or someone told us to do, and have had no lasting real results or change. I've blamed myself, evaluated my parenting strengths and weaknesses, asked others to evaluate my parenting, and blamed myself some more.

We started off being consistent parents with high standards. But after parenting Mateo for almost two years, the term "picking your battles" has taken on a new meaning. Because everything is a battle. And our standards have dropped, in some ways. Because honestly, who has the energy to make a battle out of everything? So we let a lot of things go. And let me remind you, this is after two years of really trying to change behavior. Because if we choose the battle, we know we're in it for the long haul. Which could mean five minutes or it could mean more than an hour. And the battle could include spitting, scratching, hitting, tantruming, throwing things, calling names, knocking things over, and so on. So you have to ask yourself, a) do I have the time to fight this battle right now b) do I have the energy to fight this battle and c) do I have the patience not to get the sudden urge to get in the car and drive as far away from here as possible?

I'm positive that it wouldn't matter what parents Mateo had, he would still be Mateo, and still struggling like he is now. So I quit blaming myself. Although I have my doubts if I'm doing the right thing, I'm convinced that it's not my fault. Even spoiled children don't have the same issues Mateo does.

So, to other people who don't know us well, don't know our journey, or how far we've come, it would seem as if we're spoiling him and creating this monster. I know that if I was on the outside I would think the same thing. It's true we choose to ignore a lot but unless we want our entire existence to be centered around time-outs and behavior management plans, we just have to. That, and we're tired. So tired. Sometimes I just can not think of a thing to do except cover my head with my hands and cry. It sounds terrible, I know. Sometimes it is that terrible. And sometimes it's not. Some days are really great. But inevitably, after a good day, or a few good days, things go back to "normal". It's funny. I used to think that the good days were normal and the bad days weren't.

Now that he's three, and this has been going on for almost two years, I'm fearful. I know you are probably thinking, he's only three. Three year olds are always difficult, don't label him yet, there's time to change, and all that. But it's hard not to think of the future. Just watching Mateo's inability to cope with anything makes me genuinely worried. Any emotion, feeling, problem, frustration, he just can't cope. You can't get very far in life without the ability to cope. And I don't mean after a long time of trying he loses it. Mateo doesn't wind up to being upset. His switch comes on in seconds. Literally seconds and he's gone off the deep end. And I can't get him back for a while. And usually the problems or frustrations come one after another, over and over, to the point that he's miserable and I'm miserable for an entire afternoon. And he may never recover fully until there's some big change. Either a nap, or going for a ride somewhere, or maybe putting a movie in. It isn't my favorite thing to do as a parent but I do rely on the TV a lot. I never thought I would be that kind of parent. But then again, there are a lot of things I never thought I would do, that I have.

Lately I've been feeling very sad for Mateo. No kid should have the troubles he has. A kid should just be a kid. They should be happy and carefree, not miserable because of the tiniest little things. I really hope this isn't his whole childhood. I hope for his sake (and mine, I suppose) he can stabilize a bit. For now, we really can't follow through much with consequences. Most of the time all we can do is help (or wait for) Mateo to calm down so we can move on. We do make him use his words if he's been screaming. And we do make him apologize if he's hurt someone, physically or by calling names. But he still does it, all the time.

The two main reactions I have when talking to people about Mateo are judgment and disbelief. People will run down the list. Have you tried this... or maybe if you do that .... or he just needs...whatever. If the solution was so easy, don't you think two intelligent, resourceful people such as ourselves would have tried it? And we have. We've read so many books, I've attended so many parenting/adoption/behavior workshops, we've talked to so many professionals. But I have yet to find a strategy that a) works and b) is practical for real life. And other people, who haven't seen this side of Mateo (although it is becoming more apparent and he is losing the ability to hold it together for long) stare at me in shock and horror. Who? Mateo? No way! He's so good. All (enter age) year olds are like that. And then I feel like an idiot who's making a big deal out of normal kid things. So I either stop telling people about it or, if I really want to or need to, I tell them how he put a hole in our wall (which he did). That usually helps them believe me.

Lately I've been having a hard time focusing on the positive. This, of course, also relates to what kind of day we've had. Has he been on a really good streak, where he's listening well, behaving appropriately, etc? Or has it been a really bad day (or few days) where he is all of things I wrote above? This will determine my reaction to other people. But most of the time, I feel like he's a handful. A big handful. And when people see him in public or at church Sunday School when he is behaving well (not saying he usually behaves well in public) they comment on how good he is, or cute, or smart, or whatever. And I usually think to myself, yeah right, you should've seen him this morning while I was trying to get him dressed. Of course we all have those moments with our kids. Strangers or acquaintances see this angelic child all dressed up in cute clothes and an innocent grin when you could have torn the little devil's head off just a few moments before. That's normal. But with Mateo, it's very hard for me to agree that, yes, he is a good boy. Not because I think he is bad. But....we struggle. And when I'm having a particularly hard day, I literally have to think of all the wonderful, funny, cute, and loving things about him, just to keep the negative thoughts away. Of course, I'll always be his mom. And I'll always feel like his mom. I have very strong maternal instincts. Even when I don't particularly like him at one time or another, I'll always be there to hug and kiss him and tell him I love him. Maybe that's the only thing I can do for him. Maybe I can't change anything but just love him through it. Maybe that's something another family couldn't do and that's why he's come to us.

Anyway, there it is. Typing all of this out has helped me process all my feelings. Maybe some of you are dealing with the same types of problems, feelings, whatever, and now you know you're not alone. I don't really know. Maybe this was a post just for me and that's all. Either way, I hope you'll keep your comments positive. I already feel self-conscious of my parenting. I don't need anymore judgment.

OT Eval

2009-07-22T14:37:00.006-04:00

So we took Mateo to an outpatient OT (occupational therapy) clinic and had mixed results. Not in the fact that he could use therapy, he definitely can. But in my interpretation of this particular place. First of all, the therapist was one of those people who stands just a little too close, and then doesn't pick up on the hint when you keep taking a step back. Aside from invading my personal space multiple times, she was a bit scattered. I would say she is NOT a very down-to-earth person. In fact, I'd say she was on her own planet. The whole thing was just a little bit too "out there" for me. Even her approach was very alternative. And I don't have a problem with alternative treatment, but when it doesn't make sense to me and I can't find a lot of research on it, I tend to now want to waste my time and energy.

She also freaked Mateo out a bit. When she wanted to interact with him, she didn't really talk to him or explain what she was doing. She just kind of did it and made silly noises and songs at the same time. Mateo is not used to interacting with people from a different planet. Not that we don't sing or aren't silly at all. But we're not completely illogical or cuckoo. She would grab him and try to touch him to check his flexibility or whatever and at the same time (I suppose to distract him) would say, "La, la, la, la, do you like to sing? Mommy mommy mommy, I like saying mommy." And Mateo looked at me like, "what is with this lady?" Maybe it would have worked if he was younger. But as delayed as he is, he does have a clue.

But he doesn't like to be touched by people he doesn't know or when it's not on his terms. He loves people and is very social, but he has a hard time with people who are very forward. He likes to be in control of things. And with this person trying to touch him and being completely ridiculous, he was very nervous and clung to me a lot, which is not like him. So it wasn't a good fit. I think for someone who was more interested in an alternative approach, instead of just straight SI therapy like me, and for someone who didn't mind the therapist's personality, it could work. She was very knowledgeable and seemed to have some amount of skills. But I need to be able to communicate efficiently with my son's team of teachers and therapists, and there was just no satellite service on this lady's planet.

So we are getting another eval at a different place, a more traditional SI therapeutic facility, with a "normal" therapist. And hopefully will be able to start therapy soon.

My next post is going to be about all of the struggles we have with Mateo in detail and what we're in the process of figuring out. Stay tuned, it will be an intense one. And then to balance that, I have a funny post about ridiculous ideas and suggestions in parenting magazines. Seriously, are the people who edit these even parents?

And So it Begins...

2009-07-18T10:03:00.003-04:00

Mateo has discovered his penis. As in, he knows it's called a penis and is obsessed with other people who may or may not have penises (or is it penisei?). He has not said the word "vagina" yet but I did tell him that girls have one instead of a penis. So it's coming. And so it begins....(dum dum dum).

Pictures!

2009-07-14T12:38:00.006-04:00

Here are pictures from July 4th weekend at my aunt and uncle's cabin on a lake in New Hampshire. It was a lot of fun but a bit overwhelming with ALL my family there. And I mean everyone! My mom, my grandma, my brother, my brother's girlfriend, family friend, aunt, uncle, cousins, cousin's friend, another family friend, and 3 dogs. Seriously.

The baby is sleeping here, not headless.

This is from a children's museum Mateo and I went to on a "date". Check out how freaky that dinosaur is. No wonder none of the kids (Mateo included) wanted to go in that room.

I just realized there are a lot of Daddy pictures in this bunch. But he's a great dad so I can show him off once in a while :)

Mateo-isms

2009-07-09T19:05:00.005-04:00

- "Wuh-jew" = Love you.

- "Wuh-jew my Daddy me" = (I think) I love Daddy

- "Ugh! Tupids truck! Tupids truck no work!" = Stupid truck! Stupid truck doesn't work!

- "But Mommy, Cowie Wuh-jew me" = Cowie loves me (when asked to leave Cowie in the car for preschool)

- "Daddy miss me" = (I think he means) I miss Daddy

- "Mommy, me jump! Me cool!"

- "Mommy pitty" = Mommy pretty (he says this anytime I fix my hair or wear a dress. I think Daddy taught him that)

- "No Heeca cun im" = I don't want Luca (our dog) to come in my bedroom (that one was obvious, right?)

- "Mommy pain butt!" = Mommy's a pain in the butt! (I have no idea where he got that from)

- "Iyant hitty bankek on me" = I want the little blanket on me

- "Mommy, harps, harps!" = Mommy, sharp, sharp! (warning me when using a knife)

- "No hipperies!" = (when scared of walking on icy or wet surfaces) No slippery!

- "Mor-gain" = Again (a mixture of more and again)

- "No bye-bye me" = Don't leave me

When asked do something, most of the time he says, "Uhhh...no." Very matter of fact. It's quite funny and a little annoying since he's clearly beyond doing me small favors.

Mateo and his Daddy on the jet ski this weekend in New Hampshire (I have more pictures to put up from this weekend later)

A boy, a dog, and water gun. Nothing beats it.
(The dog is my mom's, by the way)

My Name is What? Take Two.

2009-07-06T19:30:00.003-04:00

The 3 year doctor's visit.

If you know us, you know Mateo has MAJOR issues remembering, reciting, recalling, whatever you want to call it, his name. Well, enter doctor.

"What's your name?"

"Cowie."

"How old are you?"

"Too much."

Then the nurse came in with some kind of test (not sure what it's supposed to determine) consisting of black outlines of shapes and pictures. The nurse pointed to each one and asked Mateo what it was.

Circle. "Cracker"

Square. "Cookie"

Heart. "Pie."

House. "Mommy's house."

Now I suppose the right answer would be to name the different shapes, but Mateo decided to take a more abstract, symbolic approach to the test. I think he was hungry.

We went on a mini-vacay this weekend and I have some really cute pics to post. Which I will do sometime this week. Man, it's hard to blog with two kids. I don't know how some of you mega-family people do it.

Therapeutic Listening

2009-06-29T15:53:00.005-04:00

Mateo is starting this new program my mom (who is an OT) just got certified in. It's called "Therapeutic Listening". It's an Occupational Therapy tool for kids with Autism but also for other "issues" that relate to Mateo such as; impulse control, attentiveness, calming the sensory system, flexibility (in life, not body) and adaptability, motor planning, spacial awareness, fine motor skills, sleeping patterns, and speech and language improvement. The program consists of a special set of headphones and a series of CD's specific to each task. Mateo wears the headphones playing the CD on shuffle for thirty minutes twice a day. Okay, so we haven't quite reached 30 minutes yet. But hopefully we'll get there. We're doing a lot of bribing. But the child can still run around and play even with the headphones on and it doesn't block normal sound so they can still hear what's going on. It's actually really cool to listen to because the music is played a very specific way to trigger the brain to listen better and I think make certain connections in different parts of the brain. It sounds like someone is playing around with the volume on the CD, but that's the way it's supposed to be. I can't wait to see if we get any results.

We also made an appointment to have Mateo evaluated by an outpatient Occupational Therapist. He is attending Special Ed in our school district (starting tomorrow, actually) and he will get speech therapy and possibly OT (they are waiting to see how he does in the classroom first), but I feel that he needs more specific sensory integration therapy that the school does not provide. But this outpatient clinic has a special room (like a playroom with mats and stuff) that is all for sensory play and therapy. And that's what I'd like for Mateo. The sensory integration therapy combined with the therapeutic listening is supposed to have the biggest effect.

We've always said Mateo was a challenge, strong-willed, persistent, spirited and all that, even on this blog. But now that he's three, I feel like we're encountering more than just typical spirited child stuff and we're at a loss about how to manage him. Don't get me wrong, there are times when he behaves very well. This is especially true for babysitters and in public. But at home, he can be really difficult. So we're trying to pinpoint what he's having difficulty with in order to help him, thereby helping us. We've tried everything we can parenting-wise. I've read all the books, talked to an adoption therapist, been to conference about behavior, and tried lots of techniques. Unfortunately, nothing works. And really, I mean nothing. The main issues are what I mentioned above, but what make parenting him a challenge is his impulsiveness, his inability to listen long enough to be corrected, coping with change/transitions/"no"/waiting, and his frustration tolerance. Obviously lots of 3 year old's have these problems. But like I've always said, with Mateo, it's to the extreme. And I don't think it's about behavior anymore. I think the issue is something more organic, if that makes sense. Which is why we're trying different therapies, and even chiropractic care. Anyway, I'll write more about this another time.

If you're interested in learning more about "Therapeutic Listening", you can check it out here. And if you're interested in learning more about sensory integration, you can explore that same website.

I'll post any successes we have in the future. Comment below if you have any questions or comment (especially if you've tried this therapy before).

Bad Blogger. Bad. Bad.

2009-06-29T08:35:00.004-04:00

Sorry I've been so terrible lately. I just can't seem to find a long enough length of time to be on the computer this week. That, and I can't seem to find enough brain cells to make a coherent thought either. We've all been sick. The baby's been congested but now we're thinking it might be allergies. I'm not sure if she's too young to take to an allergist or not. Mateo threw up once, then was fine for a few days, then ran a fever for a couple days. Swine flu? Who knows. Dave's been not feeling well. I'm usually the only one who's healthy when sickness runs through the house. Dave swears it's all my jobs working in daycares and schools. He thinks I've built up immunity to every single childhood illness. I suppose it's possible. I credit Airborne. Anyway, I do have some fun pictures and stories. And I'll find time soon to post more.

A Tribute to Some Cool People

2009-06-22T08:24:00.006-04:00

So I'm a couple days too late for a Father's Day post about my husband, and I just spent an awesome weekend with all my favorite people, so I figured I'd just do a tribute to the all the people I spent my weekend with.

Devan is my best friend. We met in college. She's an expensive friend because I left college early and don't have much to show for it except this friendship. But here's why she's awesome. She never gets mad or tired of me even if I call three times in one day. She loves my kids. She buys them stuff, spends time with them (when she visits from out of state), she watches all my videos of them on facebook and looks at all my pictures and likes them, and she babysits when she visits so Dave and I can go out. She's agreed to raise my kids if Dave and I die. Even if we have 10 of them, which we won't, but even if we did, she would still raise them all and love them all (and try her best not to go crazy or kill herself). She listens to me when I complain, when I'm mad, when I rant and rave about whatever, and when I'm thrilled, happy, or excited. She listens to all my stories about the kids and pretends to be interested. She's funny. She's real. She's interesting. She knows how to have fun (which is hard to find nowadays for some reason). And we love her.

Scott is Devan's husband and he's cool too. He didn't like me at first (in college) but he came around quickly. He loves Mateo. He thinks Mateo is the coolest kid ever. He never gets mad or tired of me calling three times in one day to talk to his wife. He lets and encourages Devan to spend money to come visit me. He came along this weekend to spend time with us and meet the baby. He is a great husband to Devan. He's good at Settler's. He's easy to get along with. And he seems to be okay with inheriting our children should we die.

They have a good marriage and it's inspiring to watch them interact with each other. They are truly awesome friends and very good to our kids.

The other person I spent my weekend with is, of course, my husband. Here's why he's one of the coolest people I know. He is devoted to our marriage and family. He is patient and kind. He does the dishes ALL the time and doesn't complain about it. He also takes out the garbage. He is understanding to my needs. He gets me. He loves me even though he gets me. He challenges my mind. He respects me. He thinks I'm smart and funny. He thinks I'm pretty even with spit up on my clothes. He puts up with A LOT. He is ambitious and stable and responsible and trustworthy. He doesn't believe in quitting. He encourages me to have nights off and do things I enjoy. He doesn't expect me to be wonder-woman or super-mom. He loves the kids. He's a great father. He is flexible and fun and funny and sometimes boring but that's okay cause we need it. He is a good person with a sincere heart. He is real. He is authentic. He is never fake. He means what he says. He can be counted on. And we love him.

Conversations with Three Year Old's Are Always Interesting (but sometimes also disturbing)

2009-06-16T17:43:00.005-04:00

A little while after getting in trouble for poking Maya's eyes, this conversation transpired.

Me: Mateo, do we poke babies eyes?

Mateo: No. (thoughtful pause) Mommy, I poke Terry (daycare provider).

Me: You poked Terry?

Mateo: Yes.

Me: Oh. (Not really sure what else to say)

Mateo: I poke Kayleigh (child at daycare).

Me: (skeptically) Oooookay.

Mateo: Mommy, I wanna poke Kayleigh.

Me: Well, Kayleigh might not like to be poked. Just like the baby doesn't like to be poked. It's generally not a good idea to poke people.

Mateo: Mommy, I wanna poke cars. I wanna poke car's eyes.

Me: Okay. You can poke car's eyes. You can even poke Cowie's eyes. Just not the baby.

Mateo: Okay.

Me: Okay.

Weird.

Pictures!

2009-06-14T21:19:00.005-04:00

Race car third birthday party!

Mateo got this Powerwheels car for his birthday. He loved it, as you can see. Although, when we went to the store to see what he liked, he really wanted the bright pink Barbie Cadillac.

These are the things I remember from my childhood. Playing outside all day in the summer
then drinking from the hose.

Happy boy!

Well, it wasn't no Suri Cruise million dollar shindig, but it was fun. I'm glad I don't have to do it again for another year though.

Mateo is 3 Years Old!

2009-06-09T20:46:00.006-04:00

Things I love about Mateo:

- he makes me laugh every single day

- his cute high pitched voice

- he demands "big muaah!" (meaning big kiss) when one of us leaves, even if just to the mail box

- he is compassionate

- he has a good sense of humor and understands jokes

- that he loves to tell us about everything he does

- he wins everyone over with his charming personality

- he has strong views and opinions (will serve him better when he gets older)

- he's got lots of personality!

-he challenges me to be a better parent and a better person

- he is so lovable!

In honor of Mateo reaching his third year of life (and almost two years in our family) here is a video of the last year that I made for him.

Happy Birthday!

Standards

2009-06-07T19:53:00.003-04:00

My standards have dropped.

I used to:

put Mateo in pajamas for bed every night.

make sure his socks were clean, matching, and never worn more than one day in a row.

get myself dressed (other than sweats and t-shirts) every day.

clean the house for friends, family, and speech therapists.

make sure Mateo's clothes always matched.

planned enriching, stimulating, and educational activities that don't involve staring at lights and ceiling fans (poor Maya).

Now I:

make Mateo sleep in his clothes for the next day so it's less to do in the morning to get him off to daycare.

am happy to find socks that are the same color. The cleanliness is often questionable.

put a bra on before noon.

apologize to friends, family, and speech therapists for the condition of my house.

make sure Mateo has clothes on for the right season, matching them for church and special occasions.

convince myself that staring at the computer screen is enriching, the ceiling fan is stimulating, and watching mommy talk on the phone is educational.

Have you standards changed in going from one child to two?

My Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

2009-06-04T09:30:00.001-04:00

I took the kids to the mall cause it was a rainy day and Mateo needed to burn off some energy (we have a very small house). The bad day started on the way back. We got a new double stroller and this was my first time trying to get it back into the trunk of the car. First off, it was a bitch to fold up. Then it wouldn't fit in the car. I was in the mall parking lot for at least five minutes trying to maneuver it this way and that, the baby was in the car seat screaming her head off, Mateo is yelling for juice, and I have never wanted to drop the F-bomb so badly in all my life. Which, by the way, I am not a big swearer at all, so that was kind of a big deal, especially when I jammed my finger folding the dang thing up.

So when I got home, Mateo was sleeping so I put him down for a nap. Our dog, Luca, usually stays outside when we leave the house, but it was raining so I locked her in the playroom like I always do. When I went to let her out, I noticed that she pooped. But not like an ordinary dog would poop on the floor or under a table or something. No, my dog had to poop on top of Mateo's train table. Seriously, have you ever known a dog to scale furniture to take a dump? Ridiculous. I was so pissed and disgusted I ended up calling Dave on the phone to complain about the whole thing. Then I cleaned it up with some paper towels and as I was carrying it to the bathroom, it fell out of the towels onto my bare foot. Gross. So, even more pissed, I washed my foot then went back to the train table to clean the rest up. But there were little pieces stuck in the track that I just couldn't get out. So, I had to wait till it dried up, then suck it out with the vacuum extension. I know it's gross but I feel I have to give you the full extent of what I went through (woe is me!).

So, during all this, I thought Mateo had gone back to sleep in his room. But no, instead, he emptied all his drawers all over the floor and made a huge mess. I felt a little bad cause I yelled at him and said, "Mommy is NOT messing around today!" But he eventually fell asleep. Right in time for the baby to wake up and poop all over herself (gotta love when it gets all the way down to their socks). I was so done with poop that day.

I Need Some Celebrity Friends`

2009-05-30T20:30:00.001-04:00

So I was watching Extra or Access Hollywood or some show like that and they had a special segment about celebrity birthday parties. This was brought about because Suri Cruise's birthday is around this time and last year they spent a reported $100,000 on her party. Will they double it this year? Why not? It's not like they're running out of money.

Anyway, the guest on the show was a celebrity party planner who described how to throw a FAB-U-LOUS party for your tot, complete with over-the-top themes, giant cakes, and....gift bags! She said that a $300 gift bag (at a children's party, mind you) was skimpy. Seriously. I need some celebrity friends! So, with Mateo's birthday coming up, I thought I'd do a side-by-side comparison of birthday parties; celebrity style vs. non-celebrity cheapo mom style.

Celebrity Party: Exotic animals and petting zoo
My Party: Luca, our boston-beagle mix

Celebrity Party: $300 gift bag
My Party: $3 gift bag

Celebrity Party: full candy bar complete with real gumball machine
My party: $15 pinata

Celebrity Party: catered 5 course meal and open bar for adults
My party: juice boxes for kids and a couple 6 packs for adults

Celebrity Party: professional clown or magician
My party: drunk uncle?

So, whose party would you go to?

Stupid Butt Head

2009-05-30T08:23:00.004-04:00

My son called the baby a "stupid butt head" today. Gotta love daycare. Well, it's days like these I'm sort of glad most people can't understand him. And on the bright side, at least he's using his words to express how he feels about the baby, instead of his fists.

Memorial Day Pictures

2009-05-27T12:35:00.003-04:00

Okay, I realize a picture of a baby without a head is pretty creepy. Hopefully we can show her face this fall after we adopt her. But the outfit is cute, right?

This is Mateo saying, "I ownno", about where the pretzels are.

Here is Cowie making a great flag for the parade

Yes, this is our dog drinking out of a water bottle. She is really good at it. Hardly spills at all.

In Recent News...

2009-05-27T10:45:00.003-04:00

Obama nominated Sonia Sotomayer as the new Supreme Court Justice. Why am I excited about this?

1) She is hispanic.

2) More specifically, she is Puerto Rican.

3) She is a she. Meaning a woman.

4) Now all parts of my children's heritage are represented in high government.

And that is enough for me to be pleased with this decision.

And about other recent news, anyone watch Jon & Kate Plus Eight on Monday night? I used to be a big fan of the show and the family, but now I'm pretty disturbed by the whole thing. In my opinion, Jon should never have quit his job and they should have ended the show when the kids were three. That would have probably saved their marriage. It's so tragic. And I can't see how anyone would want to watch the show anymore. It's just depressing. Any other opinions on that?

Sorry it's been so long since I've posted. I can't believe how different life is with two kids instead of one. I have a hard time finding time just to shower. But I have some cute Memorial Day pics I'll post coming up soon. I just have to edit them first.

Anyone Have a Superwoman Mommy Gene?

2009-05-20T08:37:00.005-04:00

My husband and I fought almost all night long about who's turn it is to get up with _____ (enter Mateo, baby, dog). This is the conversation we had in the morning. Oh, and yes, we play the martyr game. You know, who's got it worse during the day.

Dave: If we can teach the baby to sleep through the night, it would be much easier. Can't we feed her something more substantial before bed?

Me: Oh sure. I'll just cook her up a steak.

Dave: Well, it's got be easier for you. Your mommy hormones kick in.

Me: What? Sorry but there is no superwoman gene that suddenly activates and makes me spring into action in the middle of the night. It's a choice. I chose not to let the baby cry. I have to drag my ass out of bed just like you, just like the rest of the parents of the world. There is no magical power here.

Dave: (sounding disappointed) There's not?

Then I told him to ask his friends at work who are dads if having a young baby is hard, stressful, and if they have to get up at night too. So, of course, his only frame of reference is his boss who is married to a very traditional Polish woman who takes on all the housework, childcare, and also works full time. Whatever! I told him that I'm not Polish and they'll probably be divorced in 10 years when she realizes how much she resents him.

Anyway, I'll spare you the rest of the details. But, really, anyone here have a supermommy gene that makes them more capable of dealing with stress and sleep deprivation? Or do you agree with me that it's just a load of B.S.?

My Weird Kids

2009-05-18T13:52:00.004-04:00

Weird kid traits:

Kid #1 rocks himself (violently) to sleep every night.

Kid #2 must be moving at all times in order to sleep. Which means she sleeps in a swing, set on high, all. night. long.

Kid #1 feels he must be the loudest thing in the room at all times, out-noising the vacuum, the baby crying, and the dog barking.

Kid #2 screams in the car unless the windows are open, the music blasting, and the car is either driving a minimum of 70 mph or going over speed bumps. Note to self: invest in hydrolics.

Kid #1 has a fit if even a drop of liquid spills on his clothing during a meal yet he freely runs through the sprinkler or hose fully clothed and could care less.

Kid #2 would have gnawed my finger off by now if she had teeth.

I love 'em. But I'm just sayin'.

I May Have a Serious Problem

2009-05-17T17:55:00.004-04:00

Courtesy of your local Walmart and Target. I simply can not go into a store without picking up something for the baby. I think I need an intervention. And before you accuse me of showing favoritism, I did buy several summer outfits for Mateo. Would you like me to post pictures of those too? I will but they are not nearly as cute. (Although one t-shirt sports an arguably adorable monster.)

You Mean She Doesn't Look Like Me?!

2009-05-12T13:34:00.005-04:00

I don't know what is going on but this baby has prompted more comments and questions than I ever had with Mateo. And she doesn't look more different from us than Mateo does, so this is weirding me out. Here is a conversation that occurred at the mall while playing in the children's play area with Mateo and holding Maya. And then a list of snarky comments to follow.

Random Woman: Wow! What an adorable baby!

Us: Thanks. (Yes, we were a collective being that day)

RW: How old is she?

Us: (thinking in our head's, how predictable) Two months.

RW: Oooohhhh.....(looking back and forth between me, the baby, and Dave) I'm trying to figure out who she looks like.

Us: (huh?) [enter snarky comment here]

Here are some options:

What? Clearly she looks just like me!

My wife's boss.

I don't know but if you see someone around here who looks like her, tell them they can have their kid back.

Your mother!

What are you talking about? She looks just like...(looking at baby)...wait a minute! Honey, do you have something to tell me?

Oh, she looks like my husband's sugar momma.

Or you could just do what we did and stare at her blankly.

Any other ideas?

Happy Mother's Day!

2009-05-10T16:30:00.004-04:00

Enjoy your day ladies!
Love,
the J-momma family

*****in response to the question in the post below, I think we will be starting the tradition of planting something in the yard in honor of birth mother. And since we may be having an open adoption, we will most likely send a card too.

Birth Mother's Day?

2009-05-08T12:35:00.003-04:00

Anyone honor or celebrate birth mother's on or around Mother's Day? How and what do you do?

Good News!!!

2009-05-06T14:23:00.003-04:00

I met my son's (and future LEGAL daughter's) birth mom today. It was an interesting experience and one of the most emotionally charged moments for me. Without getting into details, she is going to consent to termination and allow Maya to be adopted by us. I think we can finally breathe easy now knowing that she will stay with us forever. YAY!!!

HATS!

2009-05-05T11:05:00.004-04:00

I Heart Faces AND Mamarazzi have the same theme going right now so I'm going to use the same picture for both. It's definitely my favorite hat picture, although some of you may have seen it recently in my Easter pics.

Car Crashes and Back Aches

2009-05-04T10:55:00.005-04:00

Mateo: Mommy, my have boo-boo. (points to small scratch on arm)

Me: Uh-oh. Are you ok?

Mateo: Yes.

Me: What happened?

Mateo: Car crash.

Next day

Mateo: Uh-oh. Daddy boo-boo. (points to small dot on nose)

Dave: Yes, I have a very small boo-boo, but I'm ok.

Mateo: Car crash Daddy?

Apparently everyone with a boo-boo has been in a car crash. Which means he's been in about a hundred.

Saturday

Dave: Mateo will you hand me that rock please? (working outside building a patio)

Mateo: Mine back hurts. Need break. (sits on step and drinks juice)

Must be from all the car crashes.

My Claim to Fame

2009-05-02T18:44:00.005-04:00

I'm famous! Okay, not really. But I've been in Adoptive Families magazine and in our local newspaper. Not a big deal, I know. But it's a start. I would love to write freelance someday and I'm hoping I can get my foot in the door with the adoption route. So the first photos are from an Adoptive Families (a national magazine about adoption-related issues) article about lifebooks. The yellow highlight is where I'm quoted. I happen to be very passionate about lifebooks and I teach a class at my local DCF office. Then there's a picture from Mateo's lifebook on the bottom of one page. I'm going to write out what the quotes are so you can read it for yourselves. I wish I could find the entire article online but I can't. And I don't have time to type the whole article out. You'll just have to buy it if you want to read it. They carry the magazine at Barnes & Noble or you can subscribe at www.adoptivefamilies.com

For an adoption storybook designed for a very young child, less is definitely more. "One or two photos from each place or person is enough," says Justice Riccardi, who adopted her son domestically.

One of the biggest challenges was finding the right words to explain why my son's birthmom can't take care of him," says Riccardi. "I wrote that she had 'big grown-up problems that made it hard for her to care for you or any other baby.' I also repeated the phrase 'babies need food, clothing, toys, and a home,' and added that his birthmother could not provide those things."

Justice Riccardi designed eye-catching pages using photos and stickers on bright backgrounds. Before slipping the pages into plastic protectors in a binder, she made a color copy of the complete book. "We used a three-ring binder, and placed the pages in protective plastic sheets. We also made copies, in case our son spills on it," Riccardi says.

As part of my job (with a non-profit agency that recruits and supports foster/adoptive families in my area) I put an ad in a local paper. Then I got the idea to do a regular column where I can highlight a positive story about foster care or adoption. I started with our story (or a very short version of it), and this is how the column turned out. Our ad is on the bottom. I think it looks great and I'm very happy with it. I'll write that story out too. It's pretty short.

An Adoption Story. When Mateo’s social worker drove up to our house that warm August day, my stomach fluttered and tears welled up in my eyes.

“Come meet your new son!” she yelled after opening her car door. I could see the little feet kicking in the car seat in the back of the car. The social worker picked him up and held him out to us. I couldn’t believe how tiny he was. Mateo was only 14 months old but had a lifetime of worries. He smiled at us, while we talked to him and held him. Of course, he couldn’t understand that we were his parents and he’d be staying with us forever. He was our son! Our first child, our love, our hearts.

I remember the first time Mateo hugged me. He was a happy little boy, but not necessarily affectionate. It took him some time to trust us. To trust that we wouldn’t leave him and that we loved him unconditionally. But one day at a playgroup, another little boy pushed him down, and Mateo came running to me, arms open, and rested his head on my shoulder. I almost started crying myself. It finally felt like he loved us, just as we loved him.

After the adoption was finalized, we had a big party. Many people were there, family and friends, and even Mateo’s first foster mom joined the celebration. We had cake, and a blow up jumpy house, and lots of food. It was a great time and proof that Mateo was as much a part of our family as any biological child would be. I hope that he can look at those pictures one day and know how welcome he has always been in our family. Even though our skin doesn’t match on the outside, family is about what’s on the inside.

I am also on public access television all the time on a show called "Families in the Making" where I was interviewed twice about being a foster/adoptive parent. So I may not be famous, but I'm getting closer. Just watch. Pretty soon I'll be chillin' out with the Jolie-Pitts and chatting about nannies. Angelina, if you're reading this, give me a call, k?

Being Real About Child Abuse

2009-05-01T13:00:00.001-04:00

Warning: I'm about to get a little depressing here. Sorry, I just have to express an incident that happened recently that gave me deep feelings about the world. So, read with caution, or don't read at all if you're already in a bad mood.

I went to visit a fellow foster parent last week who takes in babies/toddlers and helps them either reunify with their birth families or transition into adoptive homes. She is a wonderful, caring foster mom and her husband is just as great. I'm sure all of you have heard horrific stories of child abuse and felt sad for the mentioned children. But have you ever met that child you heard the stories about? Have you ever had them sit on your lap and look up at you with beautiful innocent eyes as you listen to the horrific things they've been through?

Well I have. And it was the most heartbreaking thing I've ever witnessed. There are two children this woman has in her care right now. A little girl who just turned one year old, with light brown silky hair, deep blue eyes, and chubby little cheeks. She is friendly and cuddly and just precious. The other is a 6 month old boy with dark brown smooth skin, curly black hair, and big brown eyes. When I sat down, the little girl came crawling up to me right away. As she sat on my lap and looked into my eyes, her foster mom began telling me about how she was so malnourished when social services found her that her head had swollen up to protect itself in starvation mode. She had been left in the exersaucer for hours upon hours at a time. There was no food in the house. At 9 months old she didn't know how to drink from a bottle. And her birth father was grooming her for abuse. As I stroked her hair back from her eyes, I couldn't help but wonder what kind of monster could do that to such a sweet angel? And I've never had bad feelings about birth parents before, so this came as a shock to me. But hearing about the abuse and seeing the child in real life, was just so much to take in.

The second child, the little boy with big brown eyes that reminded me of Mateo, came into care with 19 broken bones. He had been shaken and now has extensive brain damage. He had 5 blood clots in his brain, broken ribs, old bruises and fractures, he is blind in one eye and maybe deaf as well. Doctors think he was shaken or thrown on more than one occasion and even stepped on. I've never had such powerful feelings about abuse before. I think when you match the story with the faces, it makes it all the more real.

Both of these babies will be going to adoptive homes. Can you guess who will be placed first? I wish I could tell you that I would scoop up that baby boy and be his mommy forever, but it takes someone special, more special than me, to want to raise that boy forever. A boy who's future is so unknown. I pray that that someone exists and that the love offered can heal his wounds and he will exceed all expectations doctors have of him.

I tried to imagine what life was like now for that little baby boy who had been so hurt by the adults around him. Do you think he knows he's safe now? The foster parents report that he cries all the time. Do you think he trusts anyone after being thrown around and hurt so badly? Even at six months, as defenseless as he is, he knows more than any baby should know about the world. That it is a cruel, painful, horrible place to be. I wonder what he would be like if he hadn't been so abused? It kind of makes you wonder about the pro-choice/pro-life dilemma. What if mothers like that weren't given the choice to abort their unwanted babies? How many more cases would we have of abuse like this; babies who were born to unprepared women, abused, and then put into foster care where they could languish for years becoming more and more detached from society until they end up in prison or in institutions? I'm not trying to start a debate about abortion. I'm not even stating my stance. It's just something I think about often in dealing with abused and neglected children. People say they are only thinking of the babies when it comes to abortion, but who's thinking about them after they're born?

She Has a Tan!

2009-04-28T13:44:00.007-04:00

I was at a friend's baby shower this weekend and I brought the baby along with me. She got a lot of attention, of course, because she's so dang cute. One 14 year old girl in particular took an interest. She said, "Wow. She's so tan already!" I explained that she's not tan, she's Puerto Rican.

"Ohhhh..." she paused looking at me, "How did that happen?"

"Well, when God was making this one, He thought He might change things up a bit. So He took this mostly Swedish girl (me) and this Italian boy (Dave), put them together and...POW!... grew us a Puerto Rican baby."

The girl was very sweet and didn't mean any harm, but it was quite humorous to me. I've never had anyone ask me that. So I explained all about fostering and adoption and the girl was thrilled. Apparently I'm just as cool as Angelina to young teens everywhere. And she says she wants to adopt when she gets old enough. Well, I hope she does. And maybe I helped to inspire her :)

Future Sumo Wrestler?

Eating Disorders for Fatty McGee

2009-04-23T16:16:00.006-04:00

We've given the girl a bit of a complex by calling her "chubbers", "fatty", and "chunky monkey" that now she's decided to be bulimic. It's true. She is spitting up after every meal. It's okay honey. There's nothing wrong with being curvy. Some boys like a little junk in the trunk. Maybe we should tone down our nicknames and start doing self-esteem exercises.

****I don't want to make anyone nervous about the baby's health. I'm just being funny but we are taking the problem seriously. We are not negligent parents that ignore the important health signs that something is wrong. We already have her signed up for an eating disorder clinic.

****Okay, all kidding aside. She is going to the doctor this afternoon to get on reflux meds.

My Very Creepy, Scary Night

2009-04-22T07:45:00.000-04:00

So Dave spent the weekend building a fence to make our patio feel a little more private since our house is on a corner lot and pretty much the whole neighborhood can see what we're doing the moment we step out our door, which makes it a bit embarrassing when I let the dog out in a T-shirt and underwear in the middle of the night. Hopefully no one is awake past midnight although I have my doubts about the teenage boys across the street. Anyway, my exhibitionist habits are not really the point here.

We have really bad neighbors. Here is the list of things that characterize them as "bad" in my book. Annoying dogs that terrorize the neighborhood, bark at everybody, and have actually bitten children. They blow their leaves in our yard every year. They plow their driveway gravel into our yard in the winter with the snow. I swear they come in our yard when we're not home because I've seen one of them walking out of our yard as I was coming home one day. They've ransacked our other neighbor's junk pile in their yard I'm pretty sure without their permission. They are always spying on us while we are working outside. They keep calling the zoning board about our shed then denying it when we ask them.

Now that we have that out of the way. Saturday night, Dave left some of the materials for the fence and his table saw in the yard since he would be working the next day on the same project. Well, in the middle of the night, I heard what sounded like the table saw running. I looked out the window and saw that the neighbors were not only using the table saw but also stealing our fence pieces. So I opened the bedroom window and yelled,

"What the f#$@ are you doing?"

He said, "We're taking your fence pieces and there's nothing you can do about it."

"Like hell there is! I'm calling the police!"

Then he whipped out a revolver and said that if we called the police he would shoot us all.

Now, you're really gonna hate me. Because what happened next is...I woke up. Yes, it was all a dream. But it seemed so real and definitely plausible. Creepy, huh?

What is With People???

2009-04-18T13:43:00.005-04:00

I took the baby to Walmart today to pick up a few things. She was great through most of the trip despite hating the car seat, especially when it's not in the car moving at at least 65 mph. But it all went down hill when we got to check-out. She might have been a bit hungry (although she shouldn't have been but babies rarely do what they should). She also realized she was in a car seat that wasn't in the car and started screaming her little pink head off. Seriously, the child has a good set of lungs and she knows how to use them. She's also a bit of a drama queen. So I finished up as quick as I could while swinging her car seat around trying to mimic the motion of a car on the freeway. There wasn't much I could do at that point but we were leaving soon and I knew she would fall asleep on the way home.

But everybody and their mother (especially old ladies) for some reason thought it was their business that my baby was crying. I have never seen such nasty looks in all my life. You would've thought I was abusing my kid the way these ladies were looking at me. One lady actually stood in front of me for, like, two minutes and stared back and forth from me to the baby with a look of disgust.

Have you never seen a baby cry? Last I checked babies don't die from crying so unless you want to whip out your nipple and feed her, move along please!

I was so shaken, pissed, and embarrassed by the experience that I am hesitant to ever take the baby out in public again. Oh, and I should mention, when I take Mateo out and he cries, everyone either tries to help or assumes he's tired and needs a nap. Why is this any different?

Has anyone else experienced this reaction?

Poopy Head

2009-04-16T16:55:00.004-04:00

My son called the baby a poopy head. I have no idea where he learned that word. I blame daycare.

Things I've Learned About Babies

2009-04-16T08:30:00.001-04:00

Things I've Learned About Babies:

1) Baby formula is the most disgusting stuff I've ever seen (or smelled). It's even worse coming out.

2) Babies sure do fart a lot. I'm pretty sure mine could win a contest.

3) They also eat a lot. I guess the three meals a day plus two snacks doesn't really work with babies. Maya is chowing down all day and all night long.

4) Babies poop is way worse than even an untrained almost preschooler's.

5) They make all sorts of funny noises that keep you up all night wondering if they are about to die of SIDS. Or are secretly aliens communicating with the mother ship.

And I just have to mention, I now understand why women are so obsessed by their baby's weight. While moms think the world stops at every ounce their baby gains, everyone else wonders why it's so great that your baby weighs the same as a sack of potatoes. Let me just say, I get it! And on that note: my baby weighs 9 lbs. 12 oz. And she's only 6 weeks old! (I have no idea if that's good or not, but to me, she should win some kind of metal.)

The One Where I Post About a Million Easter Pics

2009-04-13T14:58:00.007-04:00

So, on Easter day I felt a little like the traveling circus. We picked up our mentee "Bean", a seven year old foster child with special needs, including autism to spend Easter with our family and participate in the Easter egg hunt. And of course, we had feisty Mateo and the new baby, and my five year old cousin, along with a variety of other relatives. But for us, it was sort of like instant family of 5. In a matter of just a few days we went from one child to three. Even though we only had Bean for the day, we got a taste of what a larger family would be like. And it was....ummm....busy.

Anyway, we had a great time really. It was a lot of fun, up until it was time to drive the one hour home. Apparently Mateo had overdosed on candy without us realizing it. After wolfing down most of the jellybeans in his eggs before we could get it away from him, he also ransacked his cousin's easter bag too. By the time we got in the car to go home, he was crashing from the sugar high. I'm not proud to say it, but I actually pretended to throw all the candy out the window on the drive home to make him behave. It didn't work.

Updates

2009-04-11T09:28:00.003-04:00

Here are some quick updates about the family.

1) Baby is adjusting very nicely. The nurses said she cries a lot but they must have her confused with another baby. She is the happiest, easiest baby I have ever met. Healthy and developing normally. We feel very lucky, but also a little (okay, a lot) nervous about the future. We really don't want to lose her.

2) Mateo's adjustment is exactly to be expected. He loves the baby but is also jealous and a bit resentful. Sometimes he's worried when she cries and wants to help. Other times he wants her to go bye-bye. He's acting a little differently too. Which is normal for a big change in the family like this.

3) Speaking of attitude, Mateo has a lot of it. I know I've said that before but especially since the baby's been here. Actually, he's acting like a teenager. Crossing his arms and pouting, and running to his bedroom when he's mad and slamming the door while yelling, "Noooo!" We are giving him a lot of grace during this time because I know it must be hard on him.

4) Food. I've been using food to ease my guilt about not having as much time for Mateo. Working 3 days a week, I already feel like I don't spend enough time with him, but now it's even worse. So, I've been giving Mateo lots of "treats" to make him happy and feel special. Mostly it just makes me feel better. I may have to explain when he's older why he has a compulsion for eating jellybeans when he's upset. Ha, ha.

5) Dave is completely in love with the baby. Now remember, he was the one who said he never wanted a newborn. Well, I don't think he'd trade her for the world. Which is going to make it very hard if she has to leave. But he's great with her. He loves to hold her and fall asleep with her on his chest.

6) Me. Well, I thought I could be removed from the situation and still take care of the baby. I thought, a baby is a baby, and I'll just provide for her needs until I know it's safe for me to love her. Too late. She fits so perfectly into my arms, like she was meant to be there, forever. And as soon as she looked into my eyes, I was hooked. Now I'm not sure what I'll do if we lose her. I think I've decided that IF she does have to go to birth family, I would keep fostering babies until we could keep one. I actually think it will be easier on Mateo to adjust to an infant than to a toddler. But let's hope we don't have to make that decision. We are praying like crazy that she can be ours forever.

7) Remember a few months back when I wrote that prayer about getting our "mellow" child. Well, Maya is mellow yellow jello. So really, pray we can keep her. That's what it all boils down to.

BABY GIRL!!!!

2009-04-08T17:34:00.006-04:00

We are going to pick up baby girl! Like, now. Right now. After a lot of drama, yelling, calling in favors, and ranting and raving. I'll explain later. But the situation is VERY risky. Baby girl could go to other family members at any time so we have to think of every day with her as a gift. But we are taking the risk for Mateo's sake. How would I explain to Mateo when he's older that we had the chance to know his sister but we didn't take it cause we were too scared? So, here we go. I'll update soon and post pics on the private blog as soon as possible.

P.S. pray for me. I hear she cries a lot.

Confessions of a Bad Mom

2009-04-07T21:16:00.005-04:00

My "Bad Mom" Secrets (inspired by this Oprah show):

I have...

threatened to throw every single toy in the garbage and give it to the garbage truck to take to the dump forever and ever.

gone more than one day without even offering a vegetable or fruit with a meal.

bribed my son.

shamelessly bribed my son.

bribed my son with candy and/or other junk food.

used empty threats knowing full well they were empty.

told Mateo that the pilot will throw us off the airplane if he keeps kicking the seat in front of him (in mid-flight).

faked changing a really bad poopy diaper during my husband's turn so he would do something for me in return.

lied about how many poopy diapers I changed that day so my husband would do the next one.

started potty training, been too lazy to follow through, and then gone back to diapers.

lied to my child. Multiple times.

told my child the french fry machine was broken at McDonald's so I could get a shake through the drive-thru without having to also get him fries.

told Mateo the dog will bite him if he bothers her anymore even though I know she never will.

given in on more than one occasion to avoid a tantrum or endless whining.

made up some "important" errand to do just to get out of the house by myself.

used the TV as a babysitter.

hid toys that I hated.

turned the music up to drown out Mateo's screaming in the car.

secretly hated parents with well-behaved children.

faked crying to teach my son a lesson.

really cried out of frustration.

put my child in time-out for longer than the Supernanny, pediatrician approved length of time.

ignored my child to surf the internet.

skipped story time before bed just cause I didn't feel like it.

used "the baby weight" as an excuse for how I look.

exploited my child on a very public, world-wide blog.

So...what are your bad mom secrets?

Talking in Our Sleep

2009-04-06T14:22:00.004-04:00

Turns out Mateo and I have something in common. Well, other than being loud, bossy, and having an opinion on just about everything. We both talk in our sleep. I haven't in a really long time, but every couple months or so, I start jabbering away, mostly unintelligible murmuring. So a couple nights ago, I apparently said, clear as day,

Suckety suck suck suck!

Dave, who wasn't quite asleep yet, started cracking up laughing. I woke up and said, "Did I just say that out loud?" And he started laughing again. But in my head, I was saying that metaphors are a sucky way of describe a sucky situation (I have no idea why I was talking about metaphors, I swear I have the strangest dreams). So I drift back to sleep saying, "Metaphors. No, metaphors suck. I don't like them," with Dave still laughing in the background.

Apparently I hate metaphors.

But Mateo has started talking, or maybe I should say making sound effects, in his sleep. Ever since the Indiana Jones Stunt Show in Disney, he's been obsessed with things blowing up. This isn't made better by my husband who shows him hundreds of videos on youtube.com of explosions of different sorts. Now we hear him in the middle of nap or as he's falling asleep at night making all sorts of explosion sounds. On the good side, he may actually have a future in sound effects. He sounds pretty convincing to me.

Why is it Always About Potty?

2009-04-03T08:12:00.005-04:00

After telling Mateo all morning we were going to make Easter eggs today, and after buying all the materials to do so, I asked him, "Mateo, what are we making today?"

No response. So I give him a little hint.

"We're making....Easter...."

"Potty!"

I swear this kid is obsessed with potty.

Anyway, here are some pictures of our Easter potty- I mean eggs.

He was quite proud of himself.